KALEIDOSCOPE

                                                                                            

“तू शक्ति दे तू तेज दे| नवचेतना विश्वास दे |

जे सत्य सुंदर सर्वथा त्याचा आम्हाला ध्यास दे ||”

In December 2018, Aai and Baba have completed 61 wonderful years of togetherness!! 61 years? It sounds so different, so unique, so sweet and so romantic too? Yes, off course it is… Completing 61 years of marriage is not an ordinary task! It is 61 years of love and joy, penance and prudence, trials and tribulations, keeping your synergies and resilience upbeat while oscillating between fears and     frustrations, hopes and despair, separation and union. It’s a long journey of weaving relationships with love, compassion, consideration, sympathy and understanding, laced with firm resolute into one beautiful pattern reflecting love and cohesiveness.  It’s a fight to achieve what is rightfully yours, fight for survival and fight to retain an untarnished name and reputation for the family to carry forward!!

This made my mind wander into the yore, and kept drifting into the backwaters of my memory, and travelling through the recesses of my mind, heart and my soul, reaching to the point of my very existence… my birth and my journey for the last 56 years!! As much as Aai and Baba are witness to this journey of mine, I have observed their wonderful journey of which I remember everything since I was about 4 years old!  Bhanupriya had very recently suggested I pen down my memoirs and suddenly this 61^st Anniversary became a flash point for my wish to put pen to paper!

I think we as human beings, have a special gift of’ Memory’ which animals do not have. This very gift is a multi- faceted tool which has the ability to inspire us, motivate us, propel us towards progress and happiness, and this very memory can demotivate us, instil fear and apprehensions in us and can bring untold misery and unhappiness. A slight loss of this memory may sometimes be seen as a blessing in disguise, but if this vital storehouse of information is lost forever, then it challenges the existence of life itself! This memory has a direct link with what we are as a person and reflects in our thoughts and principles, our likes and dislikes, our strengths and weaknesses, our nature and hence defines our character.  

This sets me thinking about how I developed as a person and how I developed all the traits, habits, behaviours and my nature. Every person is different from one another. Why are we all so different from each other?

We develop our character through so many different ways….. our DNA, i.e. our biological structure which comes from our parents, then the thoughts and the mindset  we inherit from our biological mother through her womb, when she feeds , nurtures, and shares with us her life till such time that we are born and are ready to face the world.  All the things that a foetus witnesses from the womb gets registered in its mind and later show up as traits, likes, dislikes, habits etc. in the coming years. That becomes his nature. That sets his behaviour initially. Then after birth, external forces start influencing the child. He starts to see, listen and grasp what all happens around him. From here, he takes in whatever is offered to him and these things mould his character slowly. Then when he starts schooling, there is an influx of information, ideas, images, thoughts, and languages on that innocent              mind. Thereon, the child does not remain innocent anymore. Thus character building starts. Off course, the traits, various shades of character keep changing over age, time, and experience and with the ever changing perceptions of the person. A person keeps changing every 10 yrs. or so they say, but nonetheless, it’s quite true and I say this from my experience, my observation of myself over all these years. All said and done, if a person changes from time to time and becomes more mature, positive thinking, optimistic and takes cognizance of all factors concerning every issue towards maintaining a fine or at least a good balance between life’s vagaries and uncertainties, he will have achieved almost everything that God could have willed for him! I say almost everything, because there is no mortal being in this world, which gets EVERYTHING he wishes for… this is what we call DESTINY! Off course, there is always this talk of how you can change your destiny, how it’s in YOUR hands to change your destiny, you can manipulate your destiny and make God give you what you desire…..but I can safely say it doesn’t hold much water, in the sense, it is limited.

What I perceive of Destiny is this….It’s a square that the Almighty gives you when you arrive in this world…it’s also filled with the karmic details of your earlier births. Good and bad both karmas will have a say in your present life.  So when I say your destiny is already written, it holds true to a certain extent. Now what happens is, as we go through life, we behave in a certain manner, we deal with people in a certain way and react to people, situations and circumstances in a certain way. All this starts altering your karmic equations and then your destiny starts shaping up. You reap as you sow, but whatever has been sowed earlier will reap later!  Sorrows, defeats and worries keep coming your way. But that’s not all that you get in life…There is lots of happiness, joy, mirth, laughter, fulfilment, encouragement, rewards and much more to rejoice!

And as you perceive these uncertainties, good and bad offerings of life, you start to develop your own internal mechanism to combat this onslaught… and all the thoughts and actions that happen make you the person you are… that makes your CHARACTER! These details start filling up your SQUARE that I mentioned earlier. And whether to make this square called life a bouquet of colours, happiness, joy and fulfilment or to make it a square filled with frustrations, unhappiness, sorrow and endless list of unfulfilled wishes…it’s your choice… take it and you will find a colourful square, or you will find trash in it… misery and unhappiness which will be mostly OUR undoing….

Looking back at life at this point of time, I realize the plus and minus points, the losses and profits I have reaped. I have lived life from a simple humble 2 room house in a wada, which used to be a humble dwelling for many families who laughed, cried, played and enjoyed work together. These types of wadas were also home for all our relatives, so it was this togetherness and strong bond that fostered long lasting memories of happy times and laid the foundation of strong mental and emotional wellbeing.  Moving on into a good 1 BHK flat on the fourth floor in Shah Buildings colony in Pune bought with it another type of lifestyle. This was a little bit of the new’ closed door culture’ which was the opposite of the” always door open to all and at all times.” culture of wadas. Yet, its inhabitants were the same people who had newly shifted from wada to flats, so they were still getting used to this culture, and yet retained their original culture of being helpful  and outgoing towards everyone. Slowly over all these decades this open door culture has come full circle. From slowly becoming snobbish, ‘ I don’t care for my neighbour’ attitude to again coming together in the form of society kitty parties and cultural celebrations to overcome loneliness, insecurity, threats to safety which have been the obvious fallouts of the apartment culture.

 Moving on with my father’s posting which took us to other states and to different type of people, culture, and food alongwith many other things.  But Army life bought in a different set of values and ethos. Here it was a different school, different friends and teachers every two years!  Different neighbourhoods, some snobbish, some friendly, some aloof! Different type of lifestyle, people with different languages with the inherent problem of communication fiascos! And to top it all, a different food culture which we adapted to with full gusto and reverence to the local identity .We met different people with different faiths, of different religions, different mind-sets from different states. These interactions enabled us to shed our own inhibitions, fears and opened our minds and hearts to so many new and enriching experiences. These were very easy things to do back then, but the real impact was seen in later years, when these very experiences helped me tide over so many difficulties and difficult situations.

After marrying an army officer, things began to show in an altogether different perspective! From calling other officers and their wife as UNCLE and AUNTY I was myself was being addressed as Aunty which was the very first noticeable change immediately upon landing into the fold of the family of Territorial Army. Then you start addressing other officers by the rank they hold and their name and the womenfolk by Mrs. So and so. Off course you also get used to being called by Mrs. followed by the name of your husband preceded by his rank!  So wife of Maj. Petkar…so on so forth… Now everything changed very soon and fast. The earlier exposure to various places, cultures, food and languages has helped me here. It was not a shocking experience at all, because I took to that exciting life in the army like a fish to water!  Adapting to a different lifestyle was definitely exciting, little difficult and confusing at times, but as is my nature, I did not stumble much and found my footing very fast. I was super quick, efficient, managed time very well, always smiling and happy, ever ready to help anybody who needed my help in any way.  Mine was always an open house, anybody who came in would be looked after well, served something tasty to eat or drink… I would be always   jovial and joyous.  Bhanupriya also imbibed these very same principles of life through everyday practice .One learns by observing and imitating others or elders. Children’s minds are like soft wet sponge…they absorb anything and everything that they see, hear and   learn from their surroundings. This goes into moulding their character. Bhanupriya is a very studious person. She has a sharp intellect, good grasping and retention and application capacity.  She is strong willed, undeterred by challenges…like me…and I have inherited these from both my Aai and baba…whom I have seen up close and front, with ‘n’ number of challenges, problems in their family life and how they have faced each of them, with integrity, clear thinking, being truthful, proper execution without thinking of ever harming the other party involved, and have come out winners always. In fact, people swear by them when they have to say some truth!

 She is helpful, kind, considerate to others, towards animals, loves to care for them, and has learnt not to harm them if we cannot help them.  She is soft spoken and does not react sharply or angrily to others’ negative actions towards her or her near and dear ones which I admit I am not at all good at. I am outspoken at times, as in I speak my mind if I really have to come into the picture. I am blunt sometimes, which translates into being brash at times, but this is how I am, because I can’t hide my anger or displeasure at things, and be diplomatic for the heck of it. Not that I am not diplomatic, but I do not have the knack of   sweet talk and getting things done…. Nor can I persuade anybody tactfully to toe my line of thought. But if somebody is willing to listen to me, and heed my advice or suggestion, then I am a person who will go all out to help the person attain what may be best for him! But given a choice, I do not like to interfere in anything which doesn’t pertain to me or my area of work. I like to be to myself, and in general stay calm and happy for at all times.  I am unfettered by crisis and problems and can remain composed because only then can one think and act properly. A confused, unstable mind and brain cannot function seamlessly. Perseverance is her forte just like me. I will always catch the bull by its horn! Pushing the problem under the carpet or running away from it is of no consequence. Instead, face the problem squarely in the   face! It is easier said than done, but with practice we can achieve it!

In times of adversity, be kind to people and circumstances…. You will be surprised when you read this, but one should not suddenly become aggressive and angry towards the situation, circumstances or the people involved. I have faltered many a times in this, but then nobody is perfect…. Over time, I have been able to achieve this kindness to a small extend at least. But one needs to know his weaknesses, admit them and then make sincere efforts to overcome them to the maximum possible extend. And not knowing one’s weakness is not wrong as much as it is wrong in not admitting to it, when bought to notice, and not making sincere efforts to overcome them… This is the EGO which hampers our ability to accept our shortcomings .Get rid of that EGO, and become an open minded person, free of illusions and misconceptions about YOUR OWN SELF.  The other side of the same coin is that we also need to accept the imperfections of others, and make things easier to solve our problems amicably.

 I am good at logical thinking and breaking down the problem into parts, going to the roots of the issue, and then do as much as I can to solve the problem, or at least lessen the impact of injury, or loss it may bring. I like to delve into the psychology of people and then try to go to the root of the problem. I do not lose hope and keep trying till I get at least some kind of success or make any inroad into the situation.   She is smart and can solve problems in her own unique way. She is a disciplinarian like me! She is well- mannered. Being bought up in the army circle has taught her the value of time and punctuality, value of words,  cleanliness and hygiene, friendship and the value of family. All this she has learnt hands on, from observing us and others around us. I never scolded her or ticked her off when she made any mistake. I would tell her in a very hushed tone or a gesture was enough for her to get the cue and improvise immediately. Once when she was in the NCC, her baba came to pick her up from school. She was chewing on a piece of nice, fresh green raw mango, and was thoroughly enjoying it with her friends. Her baba was in his uniform, and she too was in her NCC uniform. When they both came home, he gave her a good piece of mind on how she had behaved in an unbecoming way by chewing on the mango with both of them in uniform! She has learnt to respect every Uniform! Rest assured, she got the cue, and then started learning the art of timing, etiquettes etc. etc. Again, once when she was in 6^th std. in Lucknow APS, there was some lecture for the girls in the school. After the lecture, the guest lecturer asked all the girls to write a small letter to their mothers, with regard to what they felt about the subject just discussed. They all went ahead, wrote their letters and handed over to their mothers. Now, all of a sudden, the guest asked us all mothers if anyone would like to come forward and read the letter written by their daughter. No one raised their hand, may be because they were not comfortable with reading it aloud or reading out their child’s thoughts. But I got up, went to the dais and said ,”My daughter Bhanupriya has written this letter in Marathi our mother tongue, but I will tell you in English as to  what she has written. Then I spoke a few words about what she had expressed in the letter,  describing how confident she was and how clear her thoughts were on the subject discussed, though being a taboo subject in those days. But on the other side, Bhanupriya was feeling like “oh…why did I write in Marathi? She must be feeling odd to read it in front of everybody….” But for me it was not even an issue, because it did not even strike me that she had written the letter in Marathi and not English as was generally expected! She wrote it for her Aai, and it is Marathi that brings out the bonding between us! That was the simple thought for her! And that was what I have tried to instil in her for as long.  For me, I learnt from my parents that our mother tongue is our lifeline, our source of identity and you could learn as many languages you like, but first you should possess enough knowledge in your mother tongue, your literature, culture and the scriptures which will come in handy when you need to show your own identity through all these! So, giving due respect to all other languages and the people using those languages,  never undermine your mother tongue, don’t underestimate its importance, don’t feel shy EVER to read, write and talk in that tongue! There will be pressures all along, but always be proud of your mother tongue and your country and countrymen! And not to forget ALL THE ARMED FORCES ever… we are at peace because they are the brave ones who keep up the vigil and guard us always!

And yeh, that reminds me! One does not have to necessarily serve in the FORCES to show his patriotism. There are a thousand and one things you can do to show your love for the country. Do not abuse your surroundings and always be vigilant. Observe cleanliness in public places, be sensitive to others as they also have a right to space, amenities and facilities, and do not indulge in anti- national activities which bring disgrace to you, your family and above all your Country. If you obey the law of the land, pay your taxes, keep your legal and personal documents and records updated, you can earn good money, lead a good life and enjoy luxuries too! If you keep yourself free from   greed of any kind… it   could be money, power, lust and luxury then chances are you may not become corrupt. That’s because “Power corrupts, and Absolute power   corrupts absolutely” Always aim for perfection (Perfection is an illusion let me tell you! So, Set your goal of perfection and stay put there!), aim high and yet be ready to face failures. Don’t be afraid of failures and get disheartened because if one thing eludes you is an indication that the LORD may be having another plan for you and HE is testing your mettle, inner strength, integrity, perseverance and your yearning for that particular goal! And let me tell from my own experience that never question his plans, never raise doubts about HIS love and benevolence for you… just do what you can do best  and strike back again with renewed vigour, intelligence and smartness.  Leave the rest to HIM! Always accept HIS decisions and thank HIM for his benevolence and thank him for EVERYTHING! As is the usual experience, if we show the slightest distrust in HIM, something much more painful, severe and worse may come your way, and it will make you agree to your own self that the earlier pain or problem was much better to handle! The illusions and achievements are never ending. But If you know WHEN AND TO STOP AND WHEN TO SAY’ NO’ then you will definitely find happiness and satisfaction in life.  And ultimately do not compare yourself with anybody else, because you have to believe in yourself and know that YOU are unique as is anybody else. If comparison is inevitable, then compare yourself with your own self! This will give you a pragmatic and real view as to where you stand. And the reality of life is that NOBODY GETS EVERYTHING FROM LIFE! As the hindi saying goes…” कभी किसीको मुकम्मील जहां नहीं मिलता! कहीं जमीं तो कहीं आसमां नहीं मिलता| So, keep life simple, uncomplicated and take things easy. Whatever is yours, will be yours, and whatever is not, will never be yours…. Rest assured. Whatever will be, will be. “Kay Sera Sera” … Off course, this doesn’t in any way undermine the importance of hard work and perseverance.”असेल हरी तर देईल खाटल्यावरी! Is not the right approach towards work and Success. Try to make the most of whatever life has to offer! Good and bad come in equal measures. Our perceptions make for the illusion that Good stays for a short while, whereas Bad stays put for LONG…. If you keep your calm in bad times, you will find them disappear as quickly!  “When the going gets tough, the Tough get going!”  

 These and many more such fine arts or soft skills as they are called in today’s parlance are the things that make a character of a person. Today these very skills are being taught in classrooms by shelling out huge amount of money, while I learnt most of the good things from my parents, which helped build my character which is fair enough as per my understanding, with many shortcomings and failures notwithstanding, because I own them all!  Now I find Bhanupriya trying to bring up Rudransh on the same principles that she has been bought up. And I feel I have achieved what I set out to achieve!  My sweat and toil, my hard work and perseverance has paid off!  हयाचसाठी केला होता अट्टाहास!”Today, I feel blessed and peaceful! Life seems to have come full circle! Staying in a locality which is full of people who are very politically inclined, full of caste politics etc. who are very narrow minded, thinking only of what THEY think they know. They have a limited mindset. They do not travel other than any pilgrimage, do not try and meet people from   different walks of life, different faiths, religions, cultures, states, countries, etc. Anybody who is different from their ideology isn’t accepted into their fold. He faces stiff resistance and rejection. Or when they find somebody better than them, they feel jealous and then same resistance and rejection follows. Barring a good family who are friends in many ways, there is almost nobody in my locality whom I share the same wavelength in terms of thinking, ideology, fun and general outlook towards life.  So it’s been very difficult for me to make my place here amidst these womenfolk .Not that I bothered much. .neither did I bother earlier when I was a child and spent 30 years in the army  nor do I bother today. .I always followed my mind and heart, did what was RIGHT or CORRECT (like Nitin always says, THINK OF WHAT IS RIGHT, RATHER THAN WHO IS RIGHT!)  And leave everything else to others. You cannot rule everybody or everything .You also cannot make everybody happy for ever…  Don’t try to… You will meet with frustration. It is only YOU who is responsible for YOUR happiness! But if it so happens that you do get success in a particular thing, do not feel unnecessarily proud or be snobbish to others because if you look around you will find people with bigger achievements than yours!  Always be humble in your achievements however big or small. At the same time, I think hard when I make any genuine mistake…I take cognizance of my action and feel responsible for the outcome. .but I am never overcome with undue guilt or fear and try and not do something stupid or wrong again…  I have a very positive attitude towards life…Be happy in any situation, face life squarely in the face, think positive act positive. BE helpful, sensitive, loving and caring… automatically happiness will follow! Either do what you love or start loving what you do. .that’s my funda of life. Keep your attitude towards life, work, and spiritual wellbeing simple and uncomplicated! By this I mean the way you think, act and feel about your life…  You could be doing a job, doing some business or you may be a housewife like I am. But no work is mean, small and less dignified. It is our effort, hard work and dedication for perfection in our work that decides its dignity. Always aim high and aim for success. “INTO BATTLE WITH RESOLVE” Don’t look at somebody else’s success. You should be better today than you were yesterday…in every sense of the word…mental, emotional, intellectual and spiritual level.  And mind you, it takes every kind to make this world. Nobody can stay in an oyster of his own. Everyone is dependent upon the other for his needs. So for me, the people who clean and scrub keep our environs clean for us, keep all the amenities running smoothly for us are all no less than God. .because CLEANLINESS IS NEXT TO GODLINESS .It is an endless long chain of people and work that  joins us all and makes us what we are…A COMMUNITY!

 This I learnt in my school. I went to a school which laid the very foundation of my character. Dada Vaswani   and Shri. J .P. Vaswani are the people whose simple and life moulding thoughts inspired me. I didn’t realize back then, but slowly this realization came in small things. Like you feed a hungry dog he wags his tail in happiness! You give your seat to an aged person, disabled person, or somebody who needs it more than you need it…I feel immense happiness and the smile of gratitude on that person’s face is my prized possession! If somebody asks for help I try to do as much as possible and in the best possible manner, keeping his needs in mind, and devising ways and means to give help in the best possible way!  “यथा शक्ति, यथा मति” … To the best of my abilities and knowledge…..

Today, with more than half a century behind me,  set me thinking about how I lived my life, my flaws, my strengths, my losses and the benefits I incurred on the way.  My life has changed after Bhanupriya’s marriage in more ways than one. Firstly, I have come to a point where I am happy for her and yet her infectious happy presence all these years is what I miss the most! We spent time together laughing, talking, discussing everything under the sun with no bars, no taboos, no hold, no barriers. Secondly, I have stopped cooking delicacies because there is no one to give justice to my culinary delights. Thirdly, I think the most important thing I had lost is my SMILE! With Bhanupriya around the house, we had hundreds of moments for laughter, mirth and merry making. Anything silly, any small happy moment   was enough for us to celebrate and rejoice, with bigger parties arranged for bigger moments of cheer, happiness and successes! Now there is less opportunity to smile. But Rudransh has bought that smile back on my face! Surely, he wielded that magic band the moment he arrived… in a pram was a  cute tiny nicely wrapped packet with a sweet little face which spread smiles on all the faces that saw him! From that moment, there is no dull moment in my life anymore. I see his face, I see his antics every day, and at other times his videos keep me entertained! Fourthly, I have slowly started getting detached from many things which took up my energies earlier but I don’t find them useful any more. 

With many unpleasant and unhappy memories of my marriage behind me, I was able to withstand physical and mental torture only because of bhanupriya, she being the centre of my universe and the sole reason of my very existence!

In the year 2000 circumstances changed rapidly. This was the year that transformed all my equations with my in-laws for ever. When at one particular point of time, things were beyond my control   I decided to come back to hadapsar for good.  I had left Bhanupriya in her father’s care. But the fiasco that followed immediately was unprecedented, unforeseen.  Having left her at the mercy of an uncaring, untrustworthy, characterless and cunning relative her father went off on duty to Lucknow. And what followed in the next whole week was endless litigation, rounds of courts, and my tooth and nail battle for the custody of my daughter back to either of her parents. In the meantime my efforts to meet her in her school were foiled by these cunning relatives by submitting an application to the principal stating that her mother should not be allowed to meet her because she had abandoned her and that they were taking care of her in her father’s absence…what lies… what hypocrisy…this whole family always resented me for being honest, straightforward and for speaking my mind. They hated me for being too private a person and not allowing anybody to interfere or rule my life, my family and children. Specially the head of the family hated me to say the least because according to him I was way too brash and bold in my  thinking and how I led my life on my terms and disliked being ordered around or bossed around which he was used to doing all his life for no reason or logic for that. I had somehow sensed this dislike towards me on the day of my engagement itself and had somehow forewarned myself about being very very cautious in my dealings with this family henceforth, all my life. I had even discussed this with Aai and Baba, but we came to a conclusion that it was not my home, since my in-law’s home was my real-time home, so I could just bear with them and avoid too much interaction henceforth. As decided I was  quite polite and courteous and friendly in my behaviour towards everyone including the hordes of children in that household, celebrating festivals, birthdays etc. till that fateful day…though not willingly but did all that was to be done with a smile and grace. That’s why I always insist on DOING what needs to be done by policy or rule, and not take decisions based on OUR feelings in the particular matter. If your feelings and the rule match, well nothing like it! I have advised this very thing to Bhanupriya on many occasions earlier and she has heeded to it and reaped benefits by doing so!

 Still I did manage to reach out to her with a message through her friend’s mother, who was an angel and God for me at that point of time.  She understood me completely, was strong and stood behind me in that difficult phase. That was when I understood the meaning of the chance meeting with this lady a few years back, when we both were standing in the queue for the girls’ uniforms in the school, and got talking. Her daughter studied in one class lower to Bhanupriya and was a very sweet child, who stayed in our house for a day or two and the girls had a jolly time. Her Aai loved Bhanupriya’s handwriting, her neatly kept notebooks and her perfect work in every subject and so would take all her books after the final exams, and that had helped her friend to study and score good marks….from 2^nd to 6^th std. when we left on posting to Lucknow. She loved Bhanupriya and that meeting was destined, so that I could get her help in those troubled times later on!  Not only did she meet  bhanupriya in her school in class but also told her  to be patient and strong and wait for some time, but also assured her that her Aai loved her very much and was doing her best to bring everyone out of the mess…. I strongly feel and   bhanupriya agrees with me that this incident has had a long lasting effect on her psyche leaving scars unhealed till date, but has made her strong and resilient. We have put in long hours of talking and sorting and analysing this incident to bring ourselves out of that hurt and humiliation…hurt which those people gave me because that was the very house…my sister-in-law’s house in which they arranged for my Gruhapravesh…though technically speaking it was wrong but I agreed because everyone including my mother-in-law insisted on doing so! I did not want to create a scene on the very first day of my marriage and felt that this should not make any difference to us both! And from that very door, I was turned away on that fateful night, alongwith Baba when we both had come to pick her up and take her back to hadapsar as had been directed by my husband. This he had agreed to do after I abused him on the telephone which was the army line back then, where the personnel in the exchange heard each and every word spoken and would soon be circulated among the people in the know…but I cared not because things had come to such a pass that I did not bother about the   people in the loop hearing my outrage and vented my anger for his negligence and indifference towards our welfare. There were people around the telephone booth from where I was speaking in that undignified manner, giving me glances but I was not perturbed by all that. The outrage and the language I had used was such that I never had spoken earlier in my life, neither did I use such language ever again in my life! It was reported with immediate effect to the group commander, my husband’s boss. He was then called into office , asked about the problem and was curtly told that the office could very well function in his absence (He has been thinking all along that not only his unit, but the Army itself will stop functioning if he doesn’t go to office EVERY SINGLE DAY!). He was very sternly told by the commander to go to Pune immediately and come back only after the problem has been solved and wife and daughter settled peacefully and safely in their home.

 All the girls in that household were bought up in a wrong way… teaching the girls  that they were boys and could behave like them, making  these girls insensitive towards the grooms- to- be whose proposals would be considered for their marriage, and I had heard comments with my own ears …  addressing the referred  boy as being ‘a ghoda of 30 yrs. age’ having the full consent of their father because their mother who was subservient and a mute spectator to all that went on in the house with no role to play in grooming her children in any better way, never had a mind of her own, or did not or could not use it in voicing her opinion on anything and was never even asked for one!  And her role was restricted to cooking and scrubbing, looking after the huge joint family with n number of guests in and out of the house, small kids and celebrating festivals in the house.  

These poorly educated and good for nothing type of girls had  been misguided by their arrogant and obnoxious father who earned money by springing legal cases against people and would wrongly implicate them and get monetary benefits by way of compensations, and elicited the help of these daughters of the house in drafting these wads of paper required for the fraudulent cases, thus making them full of unwarranted and unsolicited  ego about being very smart and knowledgeable which they were surely not .Even today they remain unmarried and though not jobless, doing just about something to earn money of their own (they have very high and costly demands and a very rich lifestyle to adhere to!) because they were never instilled with a sense of pride and honour of sincere work.. Since then, there have been fraudulent activities and arrests for the same and people of the house going underground, unmarried girls and boys of  beyond the marriageable age, suicide by other members, deaths  etc. etc….. But I always feel sorry for them and this state of affairs….

And when we both were at the door, this chit of an arrogant girl, wrongly prodded by her father was asking my Baba if he had sought a prior APPOINTMENT with HER father before taking away bhanupriya… what shameful behaviour… the way she had insulted Baba… with scant respect for his age and his stature which is by far superior than her father which they hardly acknowledge due to sheer ignorance…  till date, tears well up in my eyes whenever I recollect that night and those words and I feel terribly sorry for Baba, for the pain and insult inflicted on him. I did not feel about my insult at all, but that girl insulting my Baba was unpardonable.  But that moment was not for these things and I knew it would invite more trouble if I said anything to her. So, I just swallowed the insult. But we had come only after my telephone call with my husband that evening when he had assured me that they will let her come with me that evening. They refused to let go bhanupriya saying they had no such intimation from my husband! There was a long pause, a long eerie silence… Baba and I contemplating what to do next… but we had no option but to return home…   heart sinking, eyes brimming with tears and yet hiding them from each other…. I knew bhanupriya was there inside and she must have heard all that went on in the house…   off course she had heard all that and she told me later that she cried whole of the night.

Then I had to go through this painful procedure of slapping a criminal offence against this husband and wife for keeping my daughter in their house without my consent and against my wish. But before we could proceed with the case, good sense prevailed on my husband and I am eternally grateful to Bappa that her Baba came immediately and bought her back from that house and she was in hadapsar with me! I shudder to think of the consequences had my husband not bought her back, and had instead sided with these conniving people…Even today he says he was justified in keeping her in their care, because he could not have possibly looked after her alone! And I have countered his argument by saying that he could have very well kept her with his brother and sister-in-law, who would have looked after till some agreement was reached between us.  But at hind sight, I know that this would never have happened because my brother-in-law, a man in the police department, well versed with the ways of the police and courts, and his wife a well-educated woman with a respectable job but very cunning and  diplomatic in not allowing him to interfere in this subjudiced matter, and specifically not wanting to offend ‘that’ family on whose support and unlimited stay in her house helped her as  she  glided through her doctorate, job  and child rearing for all these years, did not support us during this crisis, nor did they call me once to enquire about what was happening because they knew it was not in their best interest and would have called for unnecessary trouble. I have always served respected them to the best of my abilities. I have stayed in Vijaynagar Colony, Nasik for the first year after my marriage when he was posted to Sri Lanka and I took up quite a few responsibilities in the house so that it could learn and also lend a helping hand to ease my Jaubai’s load of work at home as she worked and also was preparing for the Ph.D. thesis. And in spite of my helping her always and all through these years, they never took any initiative when we both were having problems in our life…those fights, abuses… they were non- committal to say the least.

 I could have lost the case, I could have lost Bhanupriya forever…. Which would have left no reason for me to live my life and  with Abhishek already having left for his heavenly abode at a tender age had already left a huge vacuum  in my soul and in my life there was nothing to look forward to in my life…. No hope, no light, no happiness….. And that cunning man would have spoiled her life forever… he could have done anything…. I mean ANYTHING….

Bhanupriya back in my life and both of us in our home was a wonderful feeling! One knows the true value of happiness when one has faced sorrow! And that day,  I swore never to leave this house, and if at all I had to leave, I would take Bhanupriya along…  this view was endorsed by my husband’s cousin sister who was in India for a while after this incident, and was staying with me. She being a divorcee herself and having a son with whom she stays abroad, and it was this young boy who was in pune at that point of time and actually told me that Bhanu was in Pune in that very house and had not left for Lucknow alongwith her father as was planned when I left home that day. Had it not been for him, I would not have come to know and I don’t know what would have happened? That very moment lightning struck me and I embarked on the mission to get back bhanupriya. I sensed something untoward is going to happen and it did happen…and how….

 Very recently I had the opportunity to talk to him via Facebook and I called him to thank him for this crucial piece of information he had given! He was very young to remember anything, so I told him what had happened and how he had paved the way in bringing back bhanupriya with me.

I swore not to leave the house and to fight this problem of mine staying right here. And I have done just that….I looked after bhanupriya well, looked after her education, upbringing, emotional and mental wellbeing. Taught her to become a good human being first and a good citizen next and then aim for excellence in all the fields which will bring you success money, glory…and off course a good name for you and your family! I think I have succeeded in my battle because I have done my duties as a wife, and as an army officer’s wife I have stayed with my husband all through his service in whichever situation and conditions came my way and made the most of everything that army life offered. I have done everything wholeheartedly and with dedication towards my obligations in the army, my house, my family and played all the other roles which came my way. I have enriched my life so much from all these years by way of experience, work, happiness, though my problem remains unsolved…. I have failed miserably at solving my problem, cried many a times, thought of and sincerely tried thousands of ways of getting to the root of the problem, but no success. I think “पिक्चर तो अभी बाकी है मेरे दोस्त …” Yet, I have no complaints to make, because this is not the end of the world. If there is one problem, there are thousands of things to rejoice and be happy about! I take each moment, each day as it comes, enjoy, and thank HIM and let go of that moment… I have accepted this way of living with gratitude and folded hands paying obeisance to God!

I think that was a grave mistake on my part, and I would have to repent for the rest of my life….As I realised a little later… But with God by my side, and his divine intervention in bringing sense into me saved many a situations in my family…  So in spite of all this emotional turmoil, I never again thought of moving out of my marriage and marital home for various reasons…   for Bhanupriya it would have been a huge loss in terms of losing her social standing which she inherits from her father’s army service, losing the benefits and advantages that she enjoyed as an Army officer’s daughter. Also, she would have to start her life with me again, afresh with limited amenities and resources, which I thought would be unjust on my part. Why should she suffer all this and much more in terms of disgrace, social stigma and financial penury for no fault of hers? All this separation would have resulted in bringing down her morale and resulting in low academic performance keeping in mind that she has always been a bright child with excellent academic performances.

Again, there were other reasons as well for me not leaving my marital home. My thoughts were centred on my brothers and sister, who were not married back then. This action of mine would have jeopardised their marriage prospects and good family alliances for them, because there are always questions asked about such developments, isn’t it so? And initially everybody could have supported in my decision, but as time passes by priorities change, times change and so do the thoughts and perceptions of your near and dear ones towards each other. And as age wears on, they could become unhappy and start holding me responsible for their misfortune…. And I for one would not want that to happen to us at any cost. Then again, my parents were quite young then, and had pledged their support if at all I wanted to come back. But for how long would they have been able to look after me? Once they started aging and would be weak and unstable or would become incapacitated, then they would start worrying for me and my future unnecessarily. This would cause lot of untold misery to them, for which I would hold myself guilty for the rest of my life and theirs too. My decision to walk out of my marriage would also be a guilt they would surely carry with them even if they had never say it. Then the stigma attached to this misfortune would have affected everybody and our family would not have been as happy it is today.  .Touch wood! “EVEN WHEN THERE ARE MILLION REASONS TO LEAVE, SOMETIMES ALL YOU NEED IS THAT ONE REASON TO STAY!” So ultimately I thought I should step back and stay in the marriage, try and do whatever I can do to salvage the relationship and if that’s not possible try and give bhanupriya a good standing in her life for which she will be proud of me and my decision will have been worth the effort and sacrifice. And I am a happy person because she DOES acknowledge my sacrifice and is thankful for all that I have possibly given her…unconditional love, emotional and mental support, good upbringing… everything that she asked or wished for was granted. And she has also stood  by me rock solid, supports me always and empathises with my pain, for which she feels sorry that she is not capable of doing anything.  But I am thankful to GOD for having given me the courage and strength to withstand all this for all these years! There is a saying that HE gives to every being only that much as much as that person is capable of handling. He keeps sending you question paper one after the other. It is for us to gain strength from HIM and start solving the questions…  Correct answers give you satisfaction and rewards from him, whereas for some questions you find no answers… like it happened when we were faced with the loss of our dear Abhishek…. Such an innocent child, but gave us so much joy and happiness in such a short span of life…. Who knew what was in store for me when I took him to Srinagar after his first birthday when actually I didn’t want to take him because I was worried for his young age and the temperatures in Srinagar which could cause him discomfort of any kind. But his Baba did not listen to me and insisted we go ahead with our travel plans.   And my fears were not false…. He developed Bronchitis in spite of all the precautions I had taken while in Srinagar and yet such a brave child he was….he did not trouble me till we came back to pune….  And the next day he breathed his last in my lap in the hospital where he had been checked by the doctor just a few minutes earlier.  And yet again, my husband blames ME for this tragedy and says that I was responsible for the unfortunate incident. I have been hurt in this way in thousands of small and big ways by him, abused wrongly. He also holds MY family members responsible for causing trouble in his life, whereas it was him and his wrong attitude towards marriage and life in general which may have its roots in some incident that has caused him anguish and pain in his earlier days. He wants some scape goat to dump upon for all the troubles he faces.  Anyways it’s endless so let’s not talk of that. The next few days were spent in pondering over and over again as to what went wrong and why me? Then slowly I reconciled to the reality. But it was difficult to explain all this and the meaning of death to Bhanupriya because she was just 5 yrs. old then and had also seen my pomerian SUMA succumb to age related problem and proceed on her heavenly journey just a year back when I was carrying Abhishek and was into my eighth month of pregnancy .But she has always been a brave child and she understood the meaning of losing someone at a very tender age.

That’s why I say that you have to surrender to HIM in both the cases. No complaints, No questions asked. Never ask HIM “Why only Me for this?” because as I said earlier if you raise doubts on his plans, he might send you a very difficult question paper which will leave you wondering if the earlier one was easier than the present one?

Now when I look back, I realise that I could go through all this because of the values my Aai and Baba who were soft spoken, cultured, grounded and power packed with values that they inherited from their parents. Both of them have stood rock solid behind me through all these years.   Mai and Dada helped us in more ways than one as young children. No sermons, no lectures, no scolding no big words…they taught us through their own behaviour… they  imbibed in us many good values by telling us stories in a very interesting way. They guided us effortlessly but with diligence and perseverance.  Dada who was also a learned man and led a disciplined life and punctuality, sincerity, and discipline were his qualities which Baba inherited and we all could take them forward to some extent at least! These qualities have helped me immensely in my later life though it used to be a pain back then. I have to thank my Aai and baba for this!  Both our Aaajis were kind souls, who spoilt us with their love and good food and made our childhood a fairytale! From what I gather, my Ajoba who ran a small scale furniture workshop and retail business, was a  soft spoken man with strong  middle class values and principles, and was a very loving caring person.   Vimla aaji was a strong lady who lost Ajoba at a very young age and with three sons and a daughter yet to be married and settled, she went ahead with life with grit and determination, steering the family through and settling everybody in their lives, and lived long enough to see the fruits of her labour reap rich and sweet fruits! I have seen her going about life and dealing with problems big and small with the same integrity and determination with which I have seen Aai go through her share of trials and tribulations …  Every person in our extended families also contributed in making me what I am today… you learn something from everybody. The list is endless, so suffice to say that what I picked up like a sponge, helped shape my character and my life.

My school St. Mira’s in Pune also played a vital part in shaping my character. I learnt social work and social awareness in this school. The footprints that our founder Shri. Dada Vaswani   left behind by way of his writings through his innumerable books and the legacy carried forward by his disciple, our revered Dadaji Shri. J.P. Vaswani, who passed away very recently, have left long lasting impressions on my mind. I learnt not to harm animals. Kindness and compassion are my way of showing animals that I care for them and will not harm them. I talk to stray dogs many a times just like I would talk to children. I get immense pleasure from this. I try and feed them to the best of my capacity. I have picked up dead puppies from the road and given them a decent burial many a times. I love horses but have not gotten a chance to interact with them till date. That is one point in my bucket list. If we love animals they know it and animals that may be a threat to mankind can also   sense this love and will not harm you because they can smell animals from your body. They love selflessly and unconditionally and will bless you for any kind deed that you may do unto them. I have learnt to help the needy in any which way I can, to give whatever I can spare and whatever I can manage to do without, to somebody who needs it more than me. I have taken immense pride and pleasure in giving away many of my prized possessions to someone who will take good care of them and do total justice to what they have received.  I dislike hoarding things in my house. Our emotional attachments should not make us slaves to unnecessary clutter. So, I discard things with a clear mind and a warm thank you to it for having served me well. By clearing clutter, you can make way for something new to come in .Same with the clutter in our hearts, mind and our brains. We keep on accumulating junk and clutter by way of unwarranted grudges, hate, dislike….

 I learnt to be considerate and kind. I learnt to think clearly, logically and to speak my mind without mincing words or making do with something I do not agree to in word or principal. But this is easier said than done is what I realised later in life, when there are so many adjustments to be made, so many compromises so that we lead a better life. But it does help all the same. Commuting to and from school made me bold, independent and fearless to a large extend, but also taught me to be careful, vigilant and learnt safety rules which have stood by me till date.( These things came to the fore recently when I went to Australia, and travelled all  alone without any fear. ) This trend continued when we went to other states on baba’s postings and I joined another good school RSK in Trichy. Studies, sports, extracurricular activities were always stressed upon in school and at home in equal measures. I have played all types of outdoor games… lagori, vitidandu, langadi, lapaa- chapi, and sports like volley ball, basketball too! In RSK School, I got to play these sports alongwith baseball, long jump, high jump, javelin throw, discus throw.  I loved the compulsory sports time before we boarded our buses in the evening. After that, I have never played these games again, an exception being table tennis which I like to play even today and do get a chance once in a while. But playing sports instils in us a spirit of friendship, team building, camaraderie and competition and the feeling of a great high in winning and yet remain humble in losing. But let me say this… in spite of all this I am not a Team person. I cannot work well in a team because I am sincere in doing what I am told to do, and I expect the same from others when I have to assign work to others. But this rarely happens and that’s where I falter.  Someone almost always creates some trouble for me. And I say with remorse that I never was and am still not capable of handling these situations and fail miserably. This is because though I may have the best of intentions, best of plans, but for lack of what people call diplomacy, knack of getting news out of people, tactful handling of people and sweet talking them to get work out of them, and my inability to show my displeasure at something or someone in very sweet words having a hidden taunt in it, I cannot work in a team. But given an independent task, I am at my best and give my best and am almost always appreciated for the work done!

 I am undeterred by sudden change in circumstances or routine, because I have tried to plan most of the things which come my way and try to execute them to utmost perfection by proper planning and execution. Always be ready with Plan “A”, Plan “B”, and Plan “C”…. All these years, going through so many challenges big and small every day I learnt something for tomorrow. I have learnt to be ready for every situation that life presents itself with. I do fail in my endeavours, but quick thinking, planning with a calm and composed mind and a clear head and efficient execution of plans increases our chances of success. For this we need to be mentally stable and physically strong. Sometimes even if we do not have the physical capability to do a certain task, our mental strength helps us tide over most of the situations in life. Physical strength achieved through our own hard work and a good family bonding leads to mental stability. I try to be kind to difficult people, situations and circumstances…. It may sound strange, but when a difficult person, situation or circumstance presents itself, do not suddenly become aggressive, abusive or angry towards that situation, circumstance or people.  More unpleasant the situation or person, all the more need for me to compose and calm myself before I face the situation or person. But as I always say, it’s easier said than done. I have faltered many a times, but have also been successful   many a times.  It’s about increasing the rate of success that matters. One learns many a things from one single nasty situation when we falter, surrender to our weakness and get into a mess. But if  we try to not get the ego in between, we can meet the situation halfway and get to solving the problem at least partially from our side if not a total solution to that problem. We need to learn where to USE our EGO and where to LET GO of it. To handle everything in life peacefully, calmly, without disturbance and causing undue stress and worry, we need to do one thing… First we must learn to compartmentalise. That                                                                                     means keep each problem, relationship, person, and issue in a separate compartment like the bank lockers. Now, what I do, whenever there is any issue or problem, go to that particular compartment, and deal with the issue. Bring all the aspects of the problem together, note them. Now start analysing your thoughts regarding that issue and what you think about it in your MIND. Then analyse what your feelings about that issue are from your HEART. Then, get all this data into the BRAIN and analyse everything systematically, logically from various legal, ethical, moral angles and decide the right action that needs to be taken. We must keep our mind and vision open to any other thoughts and feelings that may present themselves during this process. This makes it easier to solve matters.  Thinking “ I am RIGHT” is detrimental to correct decision making.  Like we say in Marathi “वडाचं तेल वांग्यावर नाही घालू “Mixing up issues unless necessary will create confusion and we will tend to make biased decisions which is not advisable. Now once a decision has been reached, get the brain to figure out the precise, timely and accurate planning and execution of the decision. Don’t let one negative emotion get into another issue. Keep every situation different, handle differently and change your mood, demeanour and how you present yourself in the next situation. It’s not difficult to achieve this if we have the right attitude to change ourselves .But when there is happiness in one compartment, do spread it to other compartments…there will be more happiness around you! I have followed this for as long as I remember. This compartmentalising also helps in multitasking  because multitasking is thinking of various issues   ahead of time, making mental notes as to the preparations to be made, possibly jotting them down as we think and all this while we go about doing the tasks at hand which have also been planned ahead of time! This way the actual task becomes very easy.  Breaking down a big task into smaller bits of tasks, and then taking them up one by one also helps in achieving our targets without getting tense or creating stress. I keep doing this   every time, and I think Bhanupriya has also learnt it quite well.  This way we can smile more often, be stress free and thus improve the quality of our life in terms of having time to spare for our hobbies and proper rest and entertainment too!  ”Change of work is Rest.” Is the saying!

Studies, sports and extra-curricular activities were always stressed upon in our childhood days. It could be home, school everywhere we were told to be physically active and were not allowed to sit idle and slouch or take untimely naps or sleep during the day unless it was exam time or someone was ill.

I was lucky that I played almost all types of games while growing up. In the wada, we used to play lapaa chapi, lagori, viti dandu, and generally did lot of masti on the open grounds or at each other’s homes. We had a huge circle of friends and there was no dearth of indoor games, card games, paper games and other fun games to play! Girls played ‘’bhatukali” with sets of small vessels   resembling the real pots and pans, stoves in our kitchens. Boys would also join us but they would become ‘daddies’ and that meant that they would be out of the house for most of the time. The girls, just   like their dutiful mothers, would cook meals out of the food items they got from their home. They would delicately cut groundnuts into halves and make ladoos by binding them with jaggery, or mixing poha with salt, sugar and dahi to make snacks. Each one would come up with brilliant ideas about food that could be made out of the items we collected from all our homes. Someone would also don the mantle of the old people   in the house “Aaji” or ‘Ajoba’ They would sit there and tell others what to do. Some very small children would also be there, so they would be treated like children in the house. Some girls would play with them, sing for them, read out stories and poems….Everything was like real, just like it happens in almost every household.  It used to be fun!  Then, when the boys were back, they would be served the food in small miniature plates, and water would be served in cups which   were meant to be drunk as tea by everyone. Then once the game was declared closed, we all would clean and scrub the make shift kitchen area and polish off the remaining items, take back the empty vessels and go off to play some other game! Though the utensils were mini, the food was limited, we imbibed a lot of things from this game…it gave us immense pleasure to enact what our elders did in the house. And we learnt the basics of relationships and the ways to look after your family. This helped in the latter years, when I played ‘bhatukali’ with bhanupriya. But down the years the ideas changed and our bhatukali evolved with the changing times. We played Bhatukali in the traditional way also but now she had so many Barbie dolls, kens, babies, and a host of household items like beds, sofas, ready kichenettes with small plastic utensils, tea sets, bath tub, a cupboard to stock items. She had a cane basket which we had turned into a car for the Barbie dolls. They would pack their dresses and things in a small bag, and go driving in that basket! This was almost like real, and so much fun! We would arrange books in four corners  to make rooms, and then convert them into kitchen, dining, bedroom, drawing room etc…The oldest Barbie with a broken leg was given the oldest of the gowns, and would occupy a chair because she was the “Nanny” of the house! What imaginations! Now this is what I call evolving with times…because in our days, so many rooms were unheard of and so we did not play in that way, but with changing times, these type of separate rooms had become a norm and  more so in the Army Quarters that she was habituated to. And the books that she read and stories that she heard, the British culture became a part of our thinking, and that reflected in her toys and the Barbie setup. I had evolved alongwith her to say the least. So, when I say change with the times, this is an example.

Since we started falling short of dresses for the dolls, because of their fancy lifestyle! (Ha! ha!) Aai stitched a lot of small dresses for the Barbie dolls….some in cotton would be summer dresses, and some made of wool, were meant for winters! Bhanupriya had challenged me once saying that I could not stich clothes for the dolls like Aaji did…So in spite of my incompetence at stitching…(Though I was a bright student in class and a front bencher for every class, I would always shy away to the last bench for my drawing and tailoring class! I was a dud in tailoring and drawing I have to admit…) I tried a very crude method to stich some dresses for the Barbie dolls and literally tore my hair off to get the size right! But a few afternoons of real hard work, and putting all my (minimal) tailoring abilities to work, I did manage to achieve this feat too! I don’t accept defeat very easily because I believe in putting up a fight before losing rather than not fighting at all!  Not really a match to Aai’s dresses, but having taken up and completed the challenge was immensely satisfying. But all the same, I enjoyed this too!  We cherish those dresses and the memories till date! Just looking at the toys or even thinking about the crazy things we did in those days brings a smile on my face even today!  I tried to fulfil my dreams of drawing and tailoring by making bhanupriya more adept at these arts. Luckily, during my job at the SNDT College, I had enrolled myself in a few classes to learn rangoli, flower arrangement, ceramic pottery making and others. I am not artistically inclined, but had a   forethought that getting married to an Army officer entails, I know some basic skills. This knowledge came in handy during the later years in the Army, where the ladies were in charge of   the decorations and presentations during parties and functions. So, I passed on these basics of rangoli, flower arrangement, and other such finer arts.  I also got her enrolled for the ’Magic’ classes to widen her knowledge, hone her skills and to put to good use her vacation time,  which make for good all round personality. I am happy that she is good in drawing and I put her through a correspondence course in drawing which yielded good results. This is part of her personality.

 As for me, my drawing sheet would look pristine white, clean and inviting when it used to be handed to us in the drawing class… (And to be frank, the only thing that I loved in the drawing class was this piece of pristine white paper!! )  But by the time I could draw anything that our teacher asked of us, my sheet would be black, torn and pathetic to say the least… my name was the only corner which would shine bright on the whole sheet! I could draw a cup and saucer without much effort. The only drawing (if I may call it that!)  I could manage was the one which showed a small standard house with one door, two windows, a stream flowing in front of the house, and range of mountains in the backdrop with the sun either rising or setting (one could infer anything of one’s choice), a few ‘r’s in the sky to denote birds flying, and off course, a few trees all over the place. I could draw a few things like boxes, cupboards etc. but what I dreaded the most was the human figures in these drawings. One topic I could never complete was the one which entails a drawing of a ‘Market place’… Though I love GOING to the market place, but to draw that scene was a nightmare to say the least…I have not dreaded anything before that and I feared nothing after that! The idea itself takes the life out of me! To imagine people standing in various positions in the market is easy, but to put those ideas on paper was frightful… Another thing that literally bought tears in my eyes was the type of drawing called ’Free hand drawing’….The teacher would ask us to fold the paper horizontally in the centre. Then, she would draw some pattern on the right side of the blackboard to be drawn by the students on the right side of the paper. Now this would be a daunting task in itself. But with lot of effort and lots of eraser used up (Out of the total amount of eraser I used in school, 90% has gone into erasing the drawings in my class!)  I would manage to put that pattern in place. Now comes the tricky part…you have to match the pattern on the left side of the paper! Identical and geometrically matching the pattern would mean lot of erasing and redrawing, making the paper on the left side go black and dirtier by the minute! And yet there was no matching pattern at the end of all the toil! But the best part is, I never gave up and kept at it till the bell went off and the drawing class came to an end…I would duly submit my sheet to the teacher, whose expression while looking at my creation of art, I have never been able to analyse… was it pity? Was it a question mark on her ability as a drawing teacher? Anyways, I still have happy memories of that class…I can still see that class with my eyes shut and relish those moments and laugh out loud! Same used to happen with my tailoring class… A nice, crisp piece of cloth would be purchased with lot of enthusiasm, alongwith coloured treads, needles and all the paraphernalia arranged neatly in a box, to be taken to the tailoring class the next day. Now   the real test… to put thread to needle, and to make those varieties of stiches with as difficult sounding names like button hole, and what not… on that piece of cloth. And diligently and patiently trying to put those stiches on the cloth till those stiches appeared on my fingers and thumb, the cloth too changed colour from white to black and   texture from crisp to crumble.  And as for the marks that I got for these endeavours…  If not for my Aai’s interventions and hard work through the night to make these stiches and embroidered patterns looked   like some semblance of work of art, I could never have scored that average needed for the subject! I   better not reveal my grades in these two subjects or else my academic excellence will come under the scanner! Thanks to my teachers of these two dreaded subjects, who never criticized or scolded me for my poor performance, but made sure I scraped through them in my final tally. May be this soft corner was because I used to be in the top ranks in class, always ahead in other activities, cultural programmes etc. and a favourite student of my teachers. They would rely on some of such good and studious children when education inspectors came visiting the school, and we had to be ready with answers to get good ranking for our school, and to show them around the school campus was a pleasure! (And we always got easy and quick access to the Staff Room which was otherwise ‘Out of bound’ for everybody else!) My Marathi teacher was Aai’s friend since school. When they both met by chance, I was so delighted and happy! It was a different kind of high! I felt elated and proud…  I would smile when I passed by her and she would give me a smile which I felt was different and something special!  Different from the smiles of all our teachers who would smile back and wish us in return when we wished them! I remember going to this teacher’s house alongwith   Aai. That was awesome! A moment I cherish even today!

I remember my dance in school on the song’ Brindanan ka Krishna kanhaiya, sabki ankhon ka tara…      I remember my senior as she taught us the dainty moves. I was in the 2^nd standard, when we presented an item on the annual day. It was about the alphabets A to Z, with each one having to say a line starting with the alphabet. I was at ‘U’ and had to say ‘United we stand, Divided we fall’ It was great to be there on stage, all dressed and made up, a sash of “U” painted in golden, strung from  my left shoulder! And knowing that Aai and Baba would be there sitting in the audience, I had to give my best! That incident still stands high in my memory, and it’s a lesson I have kept with me. So, who says annual day functions are to be forgotten the day they are over?  As much as I would be proud to say that I was good in P.T and led the P.T. exercises for my school on the grounds many a times, I feel embarrassed when I have to dance. It was not so during the school days, because I did participate in dance back then. But after leaving school, I never took a liking to dancing. I feel awkward and embarrassed. Though I have a fine ear for music and I love all types of songs which reflect emotions and sweetness of the voice.  I have a considerably good voice, so I do sing for my own enjoyment but I cannot dance for nuts!  I do love to see a good dance performance and I like to see people who dance really well! But very few people manage to do that. I don’t like those bambaiya type of dances, or indecent movements of the body under the pretext of dancing.

Music… yes that reminds me.  I remember having seen the movie ‘Sound of Music’ with Aai and Baba in the then iconic theatre of “Alka Talkies” in pune and a night show at that! This theatre used to show only English movies back then. So, it was very “IN” to go for an English movie! After so many years, I saw this movie again in the CD format… it’s still the same… an enigmatic, musical treat… I didn’t understand the movie fully then, but was super excited by the English countryside, the huge houses, the ambience, the people, their lifestyle, dresses, proper English language which was contemporary, poetic sometimes, but fluid and easy to understand. Every frame was a dream sequence.  The children were brats and the way they were brought around by the love, care and affection of this protagonist is worth watching! This movie is not a movie, but a piece of nostalgia! I love this movie till date and thanks to the technology, I could relive that romance after all these years!

Technology is ever evolving…. From a huge, bulky radio with a net wire hung around the house for good transmission, we have come a long way! Today everything is available in compact form. CD, Pendrives, Mobiles, Smartphones….

 In our house in Shaniwar Peth from this radio, came waves of fun, excitement, entertainment… the mornings started with adjusting this wire and getting the transmission right. The transmission began with the strains of Sanai! The announcers for the day would then welcome the listeners with their sweet words…  Then came the bhajans, followed by many other interesting programmes on health, current topics, followed by tracks of hindi movies played in full, programmes devoted to playing  hindi, Marathi, regional, folk, and other songs and the quintessential Marathi batmya, Hindi samachar and English news. Binaca Geet mala, a programme broadcasted from’ Radio Ceylon’ at 8.00 pm every Sunday  which had the magical voice of Amin Sayani engulf the audiences for 60 mins nonstop, with the latest top rated songs played in between. All the Tai s and Dada s from the wada… Jayu headed this gang being the oldest amongst them all, followed by shirish, Shekhar, Mangal and others…   would leave everything else including studies, because this is the only time they were allowed any liberty from their parents, and huddle around the radio to listen to this programme with utmost devotion! Off course, this was a programme par excellence,  which was the only connection to the world of cinema for the people and the melodies of the 50’s and 60’s coupled with the voice of Amin Sayani   were magic to the ears of the listeners, hence this devotion!  Then there was the Sunday programme for children ‘Balodyan’ which featured poems and short plays by children alongwith the famous ‘balgeet’ at the end of the programme. This was the time when all the children in the wada used to gather in our house, because only we had this radio which was a luxury by any standards in those days.  ‘जीवाचे कान करून ऐकणे’ was the phrase used to describe such behaviour!  The time we spent in the wada has shaped my character in many subtle ways than one. I was thrown into the cemented pool or ‘haud’ of coloured water on the day of rangpanchami, and that was a rude shock for me… I never have been able to overcome that shock till now and hence the reason behind being averse to holi, rangpanachami, colours and all. I love all other festivals equally and enjoy the rituals, food and every other aspect of the festivals, but I don’t like the festival of colours at all. That doesn’t mean I don’t like colours… I love every colour in every possible shade… I don’t have one particular favourite colour because I like all the colours. I love to see good paintings, good colour on the walls, movies, dramas and plays which come alive due to the colours of the sets and the ambience they create!

With many turbulent days in the wada with problems on personal front for Aai and Baba, these small moments of joy were looked forward to. Every person young and old have given me something to cherish. Some unpleasant episodes have had Aai and Baba in legal tangles for no fault of theirs but they being upright people both of them, had the full and unflinching support from all the other members of the wada and the opponents have had to see defeat in very clear and certain ways. I have seen all that and I remember every little detail just like it happened yesterday! So my strength comes from them and the lessons that life taught me at an early age.

When we came to stay in the ‘Shah buildings’ on karve road, we were transported into a different world altogether!  Here were about 10 buildings with 8 flats on 4 floors in each building. Here I found new friends, new neighbours, and newer games to play. One uncle stayed in the next building and he was a sports enthusiast. We continued with our games of the earlier days because everybody came from similar background. But he introduced us all to sports of the real kind…. He taught us volley ball, basketball, kabaddi, hututu and hockey to the boys. This is where I was introduced to Base Ball, and played it too! Cricket was not such a craze then I think. But yes the boys did play cricket. This gentleman showed us that sports was very enriching, engaging, and had lots of health benefits too! We came home tired, famished and would have dinner and go off to sleep immediately!  The energy built up is tremendous and everlasting… may be that built up of strength, coupled with healthy and nutritious meals at home cooked with love by Aai and Mai have lasted me all these years!

Then the next phase came when we went to Trichi on posting. In the RSK high School, we had to be compulsorily on the grounds for one hour after school. Here I was introduced to a different culture of sports which included High jump, Long jump, Pole vault, Discus throw, Javelin throw, 100 mtrs race, relay races and many more! I loved the school, the studies, the games…everything was fascinating about the school!  Olympic level sports were being played here and it taught you camaraderie, team work, co-operation with team members and a sporting spirit! But I am not a team person myself .I can’ work in a team with different people of different views coming together to work for a common cause. I like a cohesive team, where everybody is on the same page, and is ready to take commands and follow rules to achieve the goal and make a success.  I do not have the tact to handle people, sweet talk them and get work out of them. I always do my part of the work very sincerely giving my best and more than 100%, but I do not get the same dedication from others when I expect this from them. I fail miserably   but I am unable to mend this short-coming and have had lots of problem in the army life due to this shortcoming of mine but somehow I have managed to tide over all those issues during those years.

 Ours was the first batch of 10 + 2 pattern of exams, so I remember being guided and tutored for the different types of exams and question papers we may get. But I didn’t find myself taking any tension what so ever, because Baba has always taught us one technique since early days in school … you should understand the lesson from start to finish. That will equip you to answer any question of any no. of marks properly! This same technique has helped me for ever. Any project, any work that needs to be done…you should get into the skin, get all possible information and then get down to work towards your goal! Chances of success are more and even if you meet with failure, the satisfaction of having done everything that was plausible and possible is immense, and chances of dejection and demotivation are very low!

After school, sports took a backseat, and studies came first. After graduation, I worked for a few years before I got married, just to feel the high of earning your own income, and felt proud when I could take Pramodini, Nitin and Sachin shopping for Diwali and buy them something of their choice! I felt very proud when I could buy something for Aai and Baba. I remember I purchased a showcase and some other items for the house with my money. .albeit a measly amount but ‘I’ purchased them and just did my bit for my house and for Aai and Baba.

At work places, I had a lot of good experiences, met good people and enjoyed my work. But sometimes even in a good setup, where you think you are placed in a good job, you feel the heat of internal politics and have to face nasty situations. But my ideas were always clear. Stay away from politics because I am absolutely no politically inclined person. I found my way out amicably and that was it .So, my way of doing things is simple…. I am given a job I do it selflessly, and to the best of my abilities, but if there is an dislike for me or my work, or I know there will be resistance or opposition, I do not go in for that work. And if I have to it anyways, then I keep myself away from any kind of ill-will and just do what has been asked of me. I mostly get this resistance because they know I will do a good job and will be better at it than them. Most of the times, people want that they should be consulted, asked for guidance and feel that the work should be done as per their wishes.  But my contention is that  if am confident of doing the job on my own why do I have to do the unnecessary buttering and why do I have to show that I don’t know anything and somebody else will be a better judge? But when I know I am not fully equipped with the expertise, knowledge or tools to do a particular job well, then I try and get to the core of the matter, try to learn the necessary skills, or best option is work with someone who already has the expertise, and gain experience during that process. And now, I am confident of carrying out such job with aplomb as and when the situation arises.  At the same time, if I delegate some job to others, I make sure I know the person has the requisite skills and the ability and can fulfil the necessary criteria of a job well done.  There are different ways of doing the same work, so if I am giving the work to somebody else, I have to have full confidence in him.  Otherwise, I closely monitor the work without hindering the other person’s creativity. We can learn many things   from observing others closely and carefully. I am a go-getter by nature, and never give up on a job easily. When I am handed a job, I go all out to get the job done 100% or at least get something done towards completing the job later .I feel guilty if I achieve NOTHING AT ALL when I set out on a job, or a mission, however big or small. I have also become a little tech-savvy during the last few years since the internet has taken over our lives, thanks to the tireless efforts of bhanupriya who taught me the nuances of the internet, just in the same way that I taught her in school or later during the studies for her Company Secretary and Law courses. She would ask me to go through some lessons and explain them in the evening when she returned from college or work. And I used to sit and go through the lessons diligently, make my own notes, and then explain to her in simpler words and formats. This was also a learning process for me because I learnt so many new things in this field which helped me in understanding the commercial world, the corporate world and business in general. I got interested in the developments of business in India, the world, how things work in the economy etc. This has helped me widen my horizon, my understanding which comes in handy everywhere. So when bhanupriya started teaching me, it started from how to start the laptop and then the intricacies of making mail id, the problems with passwords, searching the web for info, and then gradually proceeded to net banking, and other such matters. Now I am addicted to all this just for the ease of doing things from the comfort of your home, and in the process protecting your privacy and vital information. I learnt all this in a span of about 6 months and made proper notes when she taught me a particular topic. Then I used to go through the notes, try doing it accordingly on the laptop .Sometimes when I succeeded, I would be happy to have achieved something good, but many a times, there would be distress calls to her during her office hours, because something would not be right.. Either I would be stuck up with the user id, or the password or some such problem would crop up! But she would explain very patiently and lo! My problem would be solved! She has always been my lucky mascot! And she will remain so for ever! Because anything discussed with her gives me confidence, new insights, different perspective on the issue in hand and that helps me a lot in doing my best. We both have this transparency of thoughts, feelings and know each other well and think almost identically. Off course, not always, because after all we are two different people, and think differently on some issues. But like good friends and soul mates, one should be able to disengage oneself from the other when time demands and let the other person free to go by his thoughts and actions. And we do that often. But I think she has learnt all these things from whatever I have been imparting to her over all these years. If a student does better than the teacher, that should make the teacher proud of his student, and the student should be humbled by his achievements which he feels are the fruits of his teacher’s faith in him!  Only then is the student a good student and the teacher a good teacher! Samarth Ramdas Swami says so in his ‘Dasbodh’

I had decided early in life that I would eventually marry an Army Officer! That comes from   looking at Baba with his unpredictable but exciting life as an Army Officer! The fact that I loved travelling, food, adventure to a certain extent, and did not like the mundane predictable routine of normal life which gives a sense of having settled down..  What I love the most is CHANGE,  because that is what keeps me going and keeps me on my toes, gives me energy and keeps me fresh in body, mind and  spirit! So, the life in the army with all its uncertainties, unpredictability was what I found to be the perfect life for me! But when I took that decision, I had no illusions of a bed of roses and a dainty life style. I knew there would be lot of hardships too… But I was ready for everything that would be offered in this package! Now the irony is that I got to live life to the fullest, but things on the domestic front were not so nice and comforting. But as is my nature, I never accepted the unjust ruling handed down to me in an old fashioned way trying to make me a doll or a puppet who just had to do what was told and have no mind or brain of her own. I looked at things as they came…initially it was a rude shock… then it became routine. But I faced these things bravely, without making them affect my other routine responsibilities and my engagements as his wife. I tried solving matters amicably with love, with dialogue, by putting up a fight for justice… did every possible thing to get to the root of the problem… and now I come to a conclusion that it’s just a plain inflated ego that makes him do what no decent man and off course not an Army officer should do. A dual personality, where the whole world is in awe of this person, who is all out going, helping, goes by the rule of the book, tactful in handling his Men and fellow officers and others. But the other side is shady, shameful and the onslaught is reserved only for ME… I used all the tools I had at my disposal, and even went to the extent of informing his seniors of his behaviour, but nothing and no one had anything to offer me to solve my problem. And then I took to changing myself completely ….  Then I started thinking about the ways and means by which I could reduce this menace, and have succeeded to a large extent from my side. I remain calm and unperturbed in any eventuality, because giving ‘tit for tat’ also was no solution I found out after a long time. Only tactful arguments put forward helped partially. Rules for me were not applicable to him… that’s the irony… this when bought to his notice, had a negative impact on him but he had to come around most of the time. Now things are that we are two poles apart, no personal equation left between us. But for all practical reasons, we take up all responsibilities and share the work between us, that’s it.

What has helped me endure all this and more is my physical courage, mental strength and the’ never say die’ spirit. I kept this issue away from harming my life, my thoughts, my spirits and my confidence in myself.  It was a delicate balance and tried maintaining that balance and today I can say I have succeeded in my endeavour. Now this issue does not bother me. I do my own thing and am very strong, level headed because I think of his welfare and health in the face of this ill treatment I have received till date.

Also, during all these years I have kept my yearning for knowledge going. In 1993, I was experiencing pain in my heels for which my doctor had advised surgery. I was shocked and my gut feeling was that no surgery was needed and I started out in search of a solution to the problem.  This is when one day while browsing through a bookstore for books for Bhanupriya; I came across this series of   books “Health in your Hands” with Accupressure, Magnet Therapy, Urine Therapy, and Reflexology among others like nature cure etc. I bought this book on acupressure and somehow I had a gut feeling that this book may be holding the cure for many problems including my heel pain. And yes, I was proved right! I started following the procedures given in the book in right earnest, and after a period of 3 to 4 weeks, I found substantial improvement in my heel pain. Then I did the treatment till the pain vanished one fine day! From here on, I got hooked on to these therapies, found more and more information in the book applied it and found I was getting good results without medicines and more so was that you are saved from the side effects of these medicines.  This was when I thought of doing the diploma in these non- medicinal therapies. I followed this new found passion and set out to complete the formalities and enrolled for the correspondence course, and completed it in due course. This was precisely the time when I had lost Abhishek and this loss had left a huge void in my life, and a permanent and unfathomable loss for Bhanupriya, which she still rues about. But life comes full circle is what I always say…. Rudransh was born, and he had an uncanny resemblance to Abhishek before he had his’ Mundan’ and hair shaved off!  She found her Abhishek back!

After  completing my course,  I went and met Dr. Gala in Mumbai and was very happy to interact with him .I have  been in touch with him on a regular basis, and have followed this therapy till today, getting good results for every conceivable problem… physical, mental and also emotional.  Still, I was searching for something which I could not name. I was sure that there was something which helped in solving your mental and emotional problems on a larger plane… an unknown energy which worked on the occult level or the aura level of people to give relief from many complex problems which have no medicines or which are beyond medical treatments. I am able to tell all this now, but then I was not able to put my thoughts in concrete words but my soul was searching for something divine!  Maybe it was Reiki which was the newest thing on the block!

Then in 2003, in Bangalore, Brig. M.P. Singh was posted to this station as Sub-Area Commander. Mrs M.P. Singh was introduced in our Ladies Club and I was pleasantly surprised when I heard she was a Reiki Grand Master, the highest degree in Reiki – the art of healing which is an ancient Indian healing process, but was revived by the Chinese in recent times, and hence took the credit for it… anyways that is beside the point. I made my way during tea towards Mrs. M.P.  Singh introduced myself and told her that I would be her first student of Reiki in this station. She was happy and we talked for a few minutes. This meeting set me on another wonderful journey towards self-healing. I knew and had read about Reiki, but did not know how to go about getting the proper teacher. And lo! Here I had my prayers answered! “जब आप किसी चीज को शिद्दत से  चाहने लगते हो, तो सारी कायनात उसे आपतक लाने में जूट जाती है!”   famous dialogue from a Hindi movie .And I for one believe in this saying firmly. And if the goal has not been achieved yet that means…  “पिक्चर अभी बाकी है मेरे दोस्त!”  Again a famous dialogue from the same movie!  I firmly believe in this too! And I have experienced this many a times in life. So, in the next 2 years when Mrs. M.P. was in station, I learnt from her the nuances of Reiki and completed the courses to become the Grand Master! That meant I could make another student and a teacher of Reiki to spread the light of this divine power to others who want to improve the quality of their life. I have immense respect for these two teachers who came into my life when I needed them the most! Their guidance has improved the quality of my life which was going almost nowhere on a personal level.  With Reiki came a lot of positivity and calmness of mind. I was able to take control of my anger which I think was justified most of the time  in the sense that I feel anger is also important for life. But to be angry on the right person, for the right reason, at the right time and in the right amount can almost always be justified. I get angry when someone tries to cheat me, back bite me, or when something is being done wrongfully by usurping the rights of somebody else for some wrong benefits and by wrong people. But now I am much better at controlling that anger. I can do so in a different way many times. But yes once in a while, when things become too much to handle and there is emotions at stake, I can blow my fuse… can’t help it…. It’s part of my nature. I have a lot of fights in buses to make young people get up and give the seat for elders, in queues when people break them just for no reason and with scant or no respect for the other people’s time which is also precious. I get angry when people park vehicles at wrong places, in a haphazard way without thinking about the safety of their own as well others’ vehicles which may come into trouble. These are things of common sense, which as Baba says is very ‘uncommon’… And in recent times, people overlooking your shoulder when you are transacting at an ATM and many such things. If we put ourselves in those shoes and feel the situation… automatically we will do the right action!

 But otherwise, I am a very cool, jolly person, who does not interfere in anybody’s life and does not like any interference either. Keep your distance, and ask for more info only when you need to ask. Otherwise just be happy, keep others happy, enjoy life, go out with family and friends for movies, shopping or picnics, outings or just being with the people you love gives me happiness. I don’t like people who keep cribbing and do not know the value of life and never count their blessings. They are busy crying and cribbing about the things they do not have instead of enjoying what they have. ‘One in the hand is better than Two in the bush’…. People keep waiting for some happiness to come whereas they do not see the happiness that already exists around them in various forms. People say ‘I don’t know when I will find God?’  But for me, I feel and see God everywhere, every time, every place and I meet him in the times of distress in the form of strength, endurance and patience, which help me overcome my problems. There is a small story that I read somewhere and it has stayed with me… it strengthens my faith and belief that God is omnipresent, you don’t even need to call him, because if HE is with you, IN you, then HE knows EVERYTHING. What can you tell him? Any amount of words will never be enough to tell our sorrow and to plead with him for favour or blessings. Just be silent and seek HIM and you will find HIM immediately!

Coming to the story… Once on high sea, a ship was almost going to wreck due to inclement weather. Everybody jumped off the ship to save their lives. One sailor was on the top deck and praying fervently to God to save him from the calamity. And just then, he saw somebody beckoning him from far off, telling him to start walking. He does not believe it to be true, and keeps praying… then again he is signalled by the figure on the other side to start walking. Now this sailor feels he should give it a try, and puts his foot outside the ship, and lo behold! He starts walking towards the figure without removing his gaze from him. And after some time, he finds he is safe on the shores and is walking away… he was mystified to say the least, and looked up to thank that figure who showed him the way! But there was nobody in the vicinity…. It left him wondering who had saved his life? And then he realized it was GOD who was calling him and it was his complete faith that bought him to the shores safe and sound!

There was a devotee who though had devotion towards his DEITY, did put some doubts and questions to HIM once in a while. One fine day, while walking through hot sands, he started thinking aloud and asked God why HE would not help him in this situation. He was watching a pair of feet in the sand while walking. After sometime, he saw only one pair of feet in the sand. When he came to the land, he asked God why he didn’t help him when his feet were scorching in the heat. He also complained of seeing only one pair of feet in the sands. GOD replied.. ” My son, those feet were mine which were walking while holding you up in my arms!” That was enough for faith to be restored in the devotee. So, never doubt HIS intentions. Take whatever he gives and don’t crib about what you did not get. This story stands by me forever. I don’t ask for anything because he has given me much more than I had imagined!  I count the small little things that I have and feel blessed always. If you start comparing with somebody else, you will find that everybody is in a different situation, with a different set of abilities and a different set of thoughts and values. Nobody is perfect here, nobody gets everything here, but sure enough, everybody gets something to be happy about! One just has to feel it and acknowledge it. Then you will find the list of things that you have will be long and winding, and the list of things that you don’t have will be short and unnoticeable..   If you want to stop, you can stop and if not your wants will keep getting at you and will push you further to run and run in pursuit of this mirage of happiness, which you will never get, because the moment you are at that spot of happiness, some other happiness will beckon…  and once again you will find yourself running and this time running harder… and harder and faster… till you drop dead leaving behind each and everything you went running after and carrying the  guilt of not having enjoyed any of those wealth!  Learn to say NO and to STOP!

Then in 1995, I got a chance to learn the पौरोहित्य from Bharati when she was teaching in   ज्ञानप्रबोधिनी, pune. This branch was a little unknown territory for me. The only connection being that we performed pujas in our house and I had learnt sanskrut shlokas and I was good in sanskrut diction, grammar and reading, which I had learnt as a subject in Trichi School from a very strict teacher Mrs. Subramaniam, who also taught us Hindi.  And Baba had also taught me a lot of sanskrut. I took to this field of work with the same zeal and enthusiasm as I had taken to the other fields earlier on. Lot of learning, diction and practice went into making me capable of performing pujas for others. Baba had also started learning this just before I started. But since he attended the formal course in the school, which paved his way for a successful stint as a Purohit for many years to come and people came back to ask him to perform pujas in their functions.  I had not attended any of these courses, so it makes a difference. I could not do much in this field also because people in Nasik where I started out, are not liberal in their attitude. They do not want to do puja according to this system for the simple reason that it is actually very short in its version and takes less time, and there is no fanfare or paraphernalia involved. It’s simple and to the point. The booking system is very transparent with no scope for any haggling for dates and an endless wait like in the case of the traditional Purohit to arrive, he being very busy (or so they need to show to increase their importance.) The Purohits from this school are meticulous, systematic, courteous, very punctual and thorough professionals. Moreover, the Dakshina taken by the Purohits is strictly according to the rules laid down by the Sanstha. All this doesn’t go down well with the people here who are used to the pujas done in the old fashioned way by Purohits who come with a lot of paraphernalia to increase their importance and they take pride in having people wait for them and on them for hours on end!!! Also the amount of money spent in arranging the puja with a long list of articles, food items etc. shows the money and muscle power of the people concerned.  More the money spent, the more people invited to the function, the late it gets the better it is and the grander it is, the more prestigious it is!!! All this doesn’t fit the bill of Dynanprabodhini system of Paurohitya. So after a few years, I lost interest in taking up the pujas, taking into consideration the fact that there were very few puja and far between. Off course, I did get an advantage by completing this course. I could perform the pujas at home and not waste any time searching and waiting for the Purohit and all, and also do them at our convenience.  I could also perform these pujas for Bhanupriya when she got married. This is what I say…  Nothing goes waste, only the application changes.

But when I started पौरोहित्य I was in Bangalore and I had a chance to perform quite a few pujas including marriage ceremonies. The people are progressive in their attitude and hence the response was good. But it takes years to build up a reputation, and staying in any place for a period of just 2 years did not give much scope to spread my wings and expand because I knew that I would leave the place soon so there was no point in all that.

In this way, I kept on learning new things in the Army and outside it, to equip myself better. I always go by the parameter that my TODAY should be better than YESTERDAY, and my TOMORROW should be better than TODAY! Everyday there’s something new to learn, and something to learn from someone, and something to teach someone.  One should not become complacent with whatever knowledge one has, because complacency leads to stagnation and boredom. Achieve something new every day, discover something new every moment and take pride in the sense of achievement we get.  This I think is success for me. I have been humiliated too often for not having any job, or any qualification per se, or any hobby turned into a thriving profession. But I don’t give in to this contention because then I will be indirectly blaming my parents for not giving me such type of education or training in my earlier years. But every parent has his own difficulties, limitations of finance, infrastructure and others by which they can provide to their children to make them equipped with professional expertise. And it also depends on every individual too! For any woman to make a career for herself, she needs firstly the full support in word and deed from her husband. Secondly, he also does something from his side to see that his wife grows in her chosen profession, makes a success of it .For me, anything I wanted to do has been met with outright rejection with a contention that there is no need for any of this! That was absurd but I kept hearing it. And still I found the courage and time to learn many things and improve myself as a person. Secondly there was never any encouragement for anything I would have loved to do. And hence, I met with failure in all my endeavours. When I settled in Nasik, I thought I should teach the authentic dishes I have learnt during my years in the Army to the womenfolk in my neighbourhood. Here too, I was harassed and told that I will not succeed.  He would create unnecessary trouble always and I was torn between fulfilling my duties at home and trying to get a foothold with these neighbours. But that apart, the women were also not forthcoming for whatever reasons, and ultimately I lost interest in this project too. But, I had done my preparation for these cookery classes with the same enthusiasm that I am used to..  Making proper study and planning, preparing notes, doing extensive preparations for the classes as and when I did have students. I taught them with kindness and with a view that they learn and excel in the dishes they learn. But nothing worked for me…. My sincerity, my proper professional approach to work… nothing…. I wasted many an hours, days, nights thinking and analysing all these failures and trying to find what goes wrong but I could never pinpoint anything. Or maybe I lack the understanding…

Same happened with whatever friends I had made in the locality. I was new in the colony and trying to find friends. Soon, I joined a kitty group of about 15 ladies. I was different from their breed and my total demeanour …. My dressing, my punctuality and my happy disposition (because I never took my personal baggage of unhappiness with me… I keep that baggage at the door of my house when I leave the house. The same was applicable for the things that I heard outside from others… I don’t bring them into my house… I leave the negative or depressing emotional baggage outside the house when I enter my house.), I introduced them to Tambola and also conducted it at every kitty party, arranged for small, nice gifts In Diwali and other festivals.  My own kitty party would have interesting paper games or other games and gave away nice prizes alongwith some interesting dishes served in my unique way.  This was my way of doing things in style! They would appreciate all this, take away the prizes gleefully, would say nice things to me as they left, but I did not find any such excitement in their houses during their kitty meet. They would come late, just talk endlessly, play Tambola, and crib if they did not win anything, eat the same old boring stuff which is normally prepared in every household and which had little or no imagination in preparation or presentation …. And leave soon enough! I always had a word of cheer for anybody who looked distressed, worried or just a jovial disposition to spread cheer in general. I never asked personal questions, never entertained such questions regarding myself too. Now this was the real problem… the women knew everything that went on in the other women’s life and family. But they knew nothing about me and my family, and would be unsuccessful in soliciting any detailed answers from me! Maybe they were in awe of my different lifestyle and thought I was TOO private which did not go down well with them .They talked sweetly with me on my face, but they cribbed and complained about me on my back, the reason I have never understood.  The fact that I did not gossip also didn’t meet their approval. So, I was not taken into their inner circles (which was fine by me, because I always know whether I hold a place in somebody’s heart or not and do not make any artificial or extra efforts to get that place or just become an uninvited guest) and would be greeted if I greeted them first, talked to if I talked to them first….  But I have been used to this since childhood. My courtesy is understood to be MY Need to interact with the other person, and that’s not true at all!)  I never had any Best Friend though I did have a few good friends. That’s because I do not confide myself in anybody. I never felt the need to find a soul mate with who I could share my life without the fear of negation, mockery or plain rejection of the friendship … for the simple reason that there was no such thing in my life. I have been so happy with my own self that I found no reason to be unhappy, sad and then confide in someone and find solace. There was nothing to be unhappy about in all the growing up years. We were a happy family in toto. And if at all there was anything that troubled us or pained us, we dealt with them separately. Just let things be and all will be well! I got my share of unhappiness and sadness in my later life. But my happy disposition never changed. I would be unhappy, dejected, sad and even wild with anger and frustration for a while when things turned nasty. But I would immediately change my mood because every moment needs to be handled in life. You cannot face the next moment which is different from the moment gone by with the feelings of sadness and the foul mood spilling over to the person or the situation because they are not at fault! That’s what I said earlier ‘compartmentalising’ of mind…

 I did not want to work after marrying an Army officer, because I knew early enough that if the wife is working and is compelled to stay in some other place than the place of posting of her husband it becomes difficult for them to adjust their lives, children, their studies and then in the bargain the family life suffers in spite of financial progress. I always wanted to settle down with my husband in whichever station he would be posted and in whichever way he would have to live. I was not keen on working though I did work for 5 to 6 years before marriage, just to get the feel of enjoying your own income and feeling responsible enough. After marriage, I was criticized for not being a working woman, but looking at the tantrums and the way I am expected  to be there all the time at home and work  without taking up any hobby or anything to invest in myself,… no time should be spared for personal wellbeing,…. And criticized for any work I try and take up, I knew I had taken the right decision after all!

 I am seeing this scenario in recent times when at many Army functions I find the wives missing from the scene because they hold high profile jobs and are busy in other towns with children who are studying. This also disrupts the life of the officers who also cope with the problem of the high risk in their professional life on one hand, and not having anyone to share his feelings with on a daily basis on the other hand. So there is no peace in spite of financial progress. Off course there are exceptions to this. There are many instances where the officers are fine with wives working in another city, but then there are so many compromises to make too! And if done with joy and goodwill, it’s a win-win situation for both the spouses and their children.  One may call me Old fashioned, but Army functions without the better halves are very dull and lack lustre. Womenfolk bring in the style, glamour and gossip to the gathering! And when you do get to talk to any of these wives, they will show that they are so BUSY WTH LIFE AND CHILDREN and have no time for all these type of functions which are a waste of time as per their thinking, and the women who are here in the army setup alongwith their husbands are DOING NOTHING WORTHWHILE! I do not endorse this view because I have done my duty by being with my husband everywhere, looking after home and children and fulfilling all my obligations that came my way in the Army life, which was my primary obligation. Activities taken up in the Army are meant for the empowerment of the womenfolk and their families and all the welfare measures are for the safety and security of the personnel.  That’s because’ Each Man is an army in itself’ is what the armed forces are about.

 The benefits of my presence at home and being there always for everybody have been reaped by him, but I have never been appreciated for this. Yet, my conscience is clear on every decision that I have taken, because a lot of thinking about all the aspects goes into taking any decision. I take unbiased decisions because I believe in doing what is right rather than just being adamant on doing what pleases me and being insensitive to the others.

 After  putting through almost 30 years in the Army, joining him at every station and setting up houses big and small, to call them ‘Home’ I look back on the life well spent, enriching  myself with varied experiences…. Some good and some not so good, some beautiful moments captured with the senses and stored in the recesses of the heart to be recalled as and when needed to bring back the cheer and smile in life! One got to experience so many things which in normal life were quite impossible… like a visit to the borders when in Samba, Jammu. I was allowed to enter through the gates at the border and saw the piece of land of about 10 feet in distance, which is called “No man’s Land” because it is literally no one’s land…  neither our’s nor our neighbours’…. I literally had Goosebumps, standing there, and I was petrified to say the least! It was once-in-a-lifetime experience! That moment I realised the full impact of what a border meant to a nation and its citizens! Just talking about protecting our borders was one thing, and seeing it being protected by armed guards  standing on high posts, on both the sides of the two nations protecting it 24/7 was an exhilarating experience!  It filled my eyes with tears and my heart with a new found respect for the Armed Forces!!

Then in Shimla, in 2007, I had the chance to meet the Governor, Mr. Kokje and his wife on a Sunday morning for tea in their office in Raj Bhavan. We were about 10 people from our unit. We had been specially invited by the Governor because of our Marathi background. No official engagement this! Just a courtesy call! Wow! Seated in the office, waiting for the Governor to arrive, looking at the well decorated office we were anxiously looking forward to this meeting. The Governor arrived, and after a brief introduction of all the members, we had a surprise in store… Mrs. Kokje a stoic, elderly lady with a homely demeanour walked  in with a warm smile, and asked us all to take seat, and had a small talk , enquiring about everybody. But the point that stayed with me is when the moment she came in, she just tapped on the Governor’s shoulder, and asked in Marathi ‘ चहासाठी सांगितलंय का?’  A smile would have slipped my lips, had I not controlled it! The fact is, a Governor’s office is a place, where everything gets done according to protocol throughout the day. Meetings, tea, snacks, arrangement of vehicles, looking after the visitors…  Everything is planned in advance. So, this tea also was on its way already. But this small and warm gesture has remained etched in my memory! It shows the sensitivity of any woman who is a home maker first and a professional afterwards! After tea, we had our photos clicked with the Governor, thanked both our esteemed hosts and left with sweet memories of this once-in-a-life time visit!

These and so many memories of the life in the Army flood my mind. Welfare meets, Ladies Meets, High Tea with visiting senior ladies, interactions with the Jawans and JCOs on special occasions like Bada Khana Independence Day, Republic Day etc. It was a continuous learning and teaching process. I have enriched myself with experience and knowledge which helps me in everyday life and brings a sense of fulfilment of my duties towards whatever came my way!   

 Life in the Army meant setting up home anywhere… Initially in tents, Mess rooms, then in Temporary accommodations and then finally towards the fag end of the tenure a  Permanent accommodation in this order, setting it up fast, setting it up in proper order and keeping  it in order for always!  Packing and Unpacking loads of black, iron trunks was a tedious job which was to be done every two and a half years of stay in any station. Starting with a few small trunks, the load I bought back to Nasik when we finally settled down in 2007 was a whopping 40 trunks of all sizes and capacities!!! This was after I had discarded almost 3 trunks of items that I knew I would not need henceforth and some items which had served their purpose and they would be better disposed or given away to someone who would be happy to receive them! The sight of my bigger bedroom in the house in Nasik filled with trunks as they unloaded from the truck, made me gasp with varied emotions I could not explain…. Was it wonderment, disbelief that I really had this much of stuff, or the question as to how to fit everything in this small house? Yes, the house did LOOK big initially, but afterwards I started feeling the space crunch!!!  For the next three to four days I stood there, gaping at the piles of trunks and other things like fridge and the TV staring at me from their packing!!! I didn’t know where to begin from! I had no cupboards, no cabinets, no modular kitchen, and no furniture!! But I did not have time to think of all this because activating bank a/cs, getting Bhanupriya’s admission into college, gas connection, Dishtv connection and such basic matters took up my time on priority basis. Off course in due course, I settled down in the new house, new environment. And the first thing that came to my mind was that now I was going to stay here for the years to come…. My permanent home!! It was a thought that bought mixed reactions….. I was going to miss the fun of moving to new houses every now and then, decorating them, welcoming guests, arranging parties and all the fun and excitement! On the other hand, there was no tension of field postings now! That was also a BIG relief, though I never really took any tension about it when in service; because I had opted for this life and was brave enough to face any situations arising from this. But that was behind us now, and life was going to be totally different from the life of all these years! And I was prepared for that! Completely!

Bhanupriya had finished her 12^th and now she had enrolled for Commerce Graduation. Later, she took up LLB and Company Secretary Course simultaneously. This was going to be a big challenge for her because all the three courses demanded long hours of study, extensive research and time management. After her graduation in2010-11, she picked up a job and continued with her studies. I was initially shocked to see the pile of new books that were delivered by the ‘Institution for the Company Secretaries of India’ ICSI for short. Big, Fat books for the various subjects to be studied for the group wise exams later remained scattered all over the room for ever and ever!!! I also got to go through these books, when I studied the chapter to be later explained to bhanupriya. I also read and explained her many chapters from the LLB books. I loved those sessions, because I became a student again and a teacher for her, which gave me immense pleasure! It also gave me a sense of achievement and self-worthiness, which reiterated that not all was lost on my academics as I always had oodles of confidence in me which helped me in teaching her right from her childhood to her youth. The subjects changed, the methods changed, the classes changed but what remained constant over the years was the urge to mould HER personality to the best of HER abilities!!  Exams like these are a challenge and any negative development during such long periods of studies can affect the results drastically. So, I also had an uphill task of keeping her moral and spirits high and keep vigil throughout!! Her own hard work and perseverance got her through those tough exams successfully and in record time!!  Even today, after her marriage, this process of learning and teaching goes on, and the subjects have changed from academics and grooming to cooking, child care and home management etc. It’s a throwback on my own interactions with Aai till date, asking for recipes, tips on trivial matters and advice on matters of the heart! As Nitin says and I believe too, that ‘a man is a student for life!’ The moment someone says that he knows EVERYTHING, he is doomed to REGRESSION…. We have seen Aai take to the latest mobile technology with lot of zest and enthusiasm. From being equipped with a basic mobile, she has graduated to smarter phones and can use it to her advantage for entertainment, knowledge and communication. She neither shies away nor does she tire from learning something new on her mobile, and is always excited about getting to know the nuances of its various operational procedures. This is the attitude which has helped her tide over n number of tricky and difficult times in her long life and this is what I call success! In that parlance, I think I have also been successful in life…. Everybody who takes life by the horn, bends it like Beckham, is successful. If one runs away from difficulties and challenges even before one has put up a fight and given more than 100% of efforts and hard work then one is a loser. Here I want to quote from a video I recently came across on the social media… the audiences were given a 50 Rs. Note, asked to crumple it completely, put it into the back pockets of their trousers and sit down for 2 hours while they listened to the guests on the dais. After 2 hours, the same person came up, and asked the audiences to bring out the crumpled note, and straighten it again. Now, on being asked as to whether the note had changed its value upon being crumpled, everybody replied in the negative. So, the person on dais told them,’ this is how one should think about oneself, if we have to succeed. People may humiliate you, abuse you, but if you know your own value (as to your talent, knowledge and the ability to do something in life) then nobody can stop you from being successful! For this, we must be able to analyse our self, our abilities, and our shortcomings, our limitations in an impartial and unbiased way. Only then can we prepare the blueprint for our success! One important aspect of success is to always have plan B, plan C, and plan D ready for every situation!!!  It’s very very important. This trick comes in handy in the most unlikely situations when you think everything is going to be just as planned and the plan goes haywire midway! So be prepared ALWAYS. I work on this pattern most of the times, but yes…. Disasters and accidents are always lurking at the corners… you never know….’Hope for the best, be prepared for the worst!”

But some incidents and happenings do not give you any time to react or make any plans either. Any such turn of events is an opportunity to expect the unexpected, discover new friends, revive old ties and gain new insights into life’s oddities. A calamity, a difficult situation or turbulence in life will also help separate the good from the bad, a friend from a foe, the trusted from the not trustworthy etc. Bhanupriya met with a small accident in our colony in 2010 April. That same day Bhanupriya’s Baba had left for Pune in the morning for some work.  It was sometime after noon, when my mobile rang, and she told me about the accident, and asked me to come immediately to the spot. That day, two Jawans from our Deolali unit were working in the garden. I told one of them whose name was Sachin about this. He immediately readied his motorcycle and asked me to sit and said let’s go to her. I didn’t think for a second, and went on the motorcycle, took Bhanupriya to the nearest Hospital, got her admitted and was in general busy with all the formalities, when the staff at the counter asked for about 5000 Rs.to be deposited for further stay and treatment. I had come with just nominal money in my purse, and told him that I will deposit it later in the evening, which he did not agree to. So, I was just wondering what to do, and said so to Sachin who was waiting with Bhanupriya in the Lab. He immediately told me not to worry, and said the other Jawan was carrying a lot of cash with him, since he had completed a deal for his land just today. He went back and bought the required amount from him, deposited the same and then we became busy in the hospital, while the other jawan kept watch at home!  Many days later, I was wondering….. During the Army service, it would have been unheard of any Officer’s wife sitting pillion on any Jawan’s motorcycle, and it would not even be possible to do so due to the strict regulations. Off course, if I was in the cantonment, I wouldn’t have to do so, as I could have asked and got any other vehicle for medical emergency, and that too super-fast! But, since this is a civil area, nobody bothers, and riding pillion on motorcycles is quite common here. But the two men were God sent for me on that particular day! If not for them, it would have been difficult to do all that I did that day and a couple of days after that, till her Baba returned. I gave Sachin and his fellow Jawan (I am at a loss to recollect his name…) silver coin each, not as a token of thanks, but as a token of finding a friend in need and it is in such incidences that I see GOD! Where else is GOD? He is there everywhere and in whatever you find help of any kind which makes your NOW worthy of living. At least that is how I have felt HIS presence at every moment of my life when life throws challenges at you, questions your worth, tests your abilities… And there is no need to CALL HIM…HE IS RIGHT THERE… WITH ME! HE gives me the strength, shows ways and means to go ahead and do the needful!  That was the best I could do, not for them but for myself!

In the next year, around the same time in December, I met with an accident while undertaking my driving classes. I had just finished my driving and was sitting on the back seat, while the other lady took to the wheels. A few minutes of driving, and I saw a maroon coloured Logan cross the road and bang into our vehicle, bumper to bumper head on….The fellow was drunk and was enjoying his yet to conclude New Year celebrations. He was drunk and had lost control of his vehicle. If not for the absence of any in coming vehicles from both sides and our  instructor’s presence of mind, when he steered the vehicle to the left of the road, there would have been much more damage than that was done that day to our vehicle ,other incoming  vehicles  and the passengers total 4 of us…. So, here I was with a broken   elbow!  For absolutely no fault of mine! Others escaped with minor bruises. The hospitalisation, the medication etc. that followed was an uncalled for situation…. But later on, I thanked God that HE had protected all of us from any major harm…. and I took on the negativity of the whole situation on my elbow…a small price to pay to avoid any calamity….  It must have been HIS plan that helped save everybody else!

During the legal proceedings in this case that I had filed, my lawyer would keep insisting that I increase the amount of compensation asked for in the court. But, here I was…. Feeling sorry for the poor chap against whom I had filed my complaint! I was thinking that God forbid no such untoward incidents should befall me or my family members, friends, not even my enemies. I was not behind the money that I would get out of all this absurd exercise, rather I was insisting the case come to an end at the earliest, and whatever compensation was given would be acceptable for me… it was not   about proving the other man guilty, because I would have forgotten and forgiven him if he had had the courage to meet me and say sorry for the wrong that happened….  And I know for sure, that money earned from such incidents gives you no happiness in the long run….I attached no emotions of joy or victory with this money, as most of the times this type of ill-gotten wealth goes back into something as worthless… So, to avoid that negative impact, I spent a sizeable amount from this money in helping a few people and bringing a smile on their face.

 I had said the same thing when Abhishek passed away in the hospital in pune just a day after I came back from Srinagar… I had been telling his Baba that coming to Srinagar where he was posted was not advisable due to the inclement cold weather and his young age was also to be thought of. But he was adamant, and went ahead with his plan to take the three of us to Srinagar. This was in September for 21 days. We came back on 17^th Oct and Abhishek breathed his last in my arms on 18^th Oct.1994.

 The paediatrician who checked him on the day I took him to the hospital was my regular paediatrician and knew Abhishek and his health very well since I had consulted him before leaving for Srinagar and taken all the necessary medicines with me. He checked him for 20 minutes, and was unable to diagnose his problem? He had severe Bronchitis….  How was it possible for a qualified and experienced doctor to miss this diagnosis? Why did he not know that something was wrong with the child and why did he not take him to the ICU which was right there in the hospital? Why did he pass off his illness prescribing a few medicines? Was it not urgent to treat him without further delay? Would not have history been different if he had done what a good doctor should do? Fate plays its own games, but, if we do not put up a worthy fight, it is not worthy of any praise… I still carry a huge guilt that I was helpless and could do nothing beyond what I had done and could not save Abhishek! That evening, when we were busy with all the further arrangements, the doctor had called his lawyer wife to the hospital. They had thought we would pursue a legal battle with them. I told the doctor there and then…’If you can give back my son, I will give YOU lakhs of rupees!  But if that’s not possible, then the lakhs that you give me in compensation are of no worth at all!’  No amount of money will fill this void in my life and more so in Bhanupriya’s life EVER…

In the coming years, Bhanupriya’s Baba retired and  was called for honorary work as Zilla Sainik Officer, and served at various places like Jalgaon, Buldana, Ratnagiri, Kolhapur etc. and finally retired from Nasik office around 2014-15. Bhanupriya also meanwhile completed her CS, LLB and had picked up a job in Ambad.  I was very happy for her!  That was when I gave a sigh of relief, and just sat back and relaxed, while she pampered me, took me to movies on her Scooty! Shopping was a fun affair because NOW when she paid the bills and in general was in charge of everything from planning to execution!!  We celebrated our birthdays with fun and were in a very very happy zone!!! Her 25^th Birthday was a surprise planned by me alongwith some of her best friends!  That was one fun party!!  Everybody came to wish her and I made sure every moment was fun for her!! The cake I had ordered had all the fun things she liked in fondant which was a dream come true for both of us!!!

Our Pondicherry- Chennai trip was the most wonderful time we had together!! It was so much fun…. The beaches, the food, the travel, the shopping….  The silk Saris from Chennai are like mementos for us… Heirloom like!! She also bought some nice Temple jewellery for herself which is a treasure for her… it reminds her of the time spent together!! Big joys come in small packets… right? I think this trip was well timed… It is like an icing on the cake!! Bhanupriya got married just after her 25^th birthday!

The thought of Bhanupriya’s marriage in 2015 floods my mind with wonderful, happy moments… or rather a chain of such wonderful and happy moments!! Right from the time we searched for this proposal on the matrimony site up to her Bidaai…. Everything happened so quickly and so fast!! Just a matter of 30 days… March 10^th when the Akolekars called us to inform that they liked Bhanu’s profile, and wanted us to come over to Bangalore to meet them….  Till the 10^th of April when Ravishankar and Bhanupriya got married!!

We three went to Bangalore, met Ravishankar and his Baba. We were happy to meet the two…Bhanupriya and Ravishankar made some time to talk to each other and we had tea and left their place, with all the three of us thinking aloud that it was a proposal worth another round of talks. Yes, they did inform us positively and we invited them to our guest room for the evening. This was when we talked in detail, discussing a lot of issues and getting to know each other’s family a little more. Then Ravishankar and Bhanupriya decided they needed some time to themselves to make the final decision. So the next day the two met, and finalised their views. We went back to Nasik that day and we were in for a surprise! Just after coming back, we got a call from Akolekars that the two were coming the next day to meet us! Now, it was our turn and we set out to get our house in order before they arrived!

The meeting went very well, and by noon, we gave our consent to this alliance! Now, we decided that we go ahead with the engagement ceremony the next day, and plan for the wedding day and all those details later on. We had lunch, just rested for a while and the evening saw a flurry of activity…. We three…. Ravishankar, Bhanupriya and me set out for shopping for the engagement ceremony which was the next day…  We picked up the engagement rings for both of them…. I was feeling so happy!  It was an enchanted day for me! Ravishankar gifted me a sari which I treasure the most! With shopping done and finalising the programme for the next day ,they went back to the hotel, leaving the  three of us with a sleepless night full of anxiety and anticipation!!  My head was rolling with the plans, to- do lists and preparations for the next day!

Aai, Baba, Hrishikesh and Mohini vahini were told of this happy event, and were invited for the engagement ceremony the next day!!  Aai and Baba were very very happy!!! Their first grand-daughter was getting married!! They simply loved her and being the first grandchild, she was the apple of their eyes!!  She in turn just adored them, doted on them! She had spent a lot of time with them when we were posted in Pune and in Deolali, and also in Lucknow, Bangalore and Samba where they came frequently and stayed with us. She loved their company and would be reluctant to allow them to go back home… she enjoyed every single moment of their company because they would also spend time reading to her, playing with her and Baba would also take interest in her studies and specially Sanskrut which he was well versed with. I remember when we were in Pune, and when Aai and Baba used to come on their Vespa from hadapsar they would spend the whole day with us. But as soon as they would be ready to leave, Bhanpriya would tell Baba that she had some difficulty in Sanskrut… that’s it…. Baba would retract his steps and would sit back to teach her! (That was a sweet cheat of Bhanupriya so to say!) Aai and I would have a good laugh about this!

 Aai and Baba came to stay with us in Lucknow, Bangalore, Samba every station that we were posted to. So, in that sense, she has enjoyed their love and blessings throughout her growing years. She has a very mature equation with them. They can discuss any topic amongst themselves! That’s about sums up their relationship!

The next day, I made preparations for the Engagement ceremony which included a puja conducted by me, according to Dnyan Prabodhini School of Paurohitya. It was a very busy day, and the evening went well with Ravishankar and Bhanpriya exchanging rings, and seeking the blessings of the elders! This was an emotional moment for all of us… We both, Aai and Baba! All were very happy!! This was followed by dinner at one of the fine restaurants in Nasik, in which we again hosted the 1^st Birthday celebrations for Rudransh later on…. Very recently in September 2018!

The next day, when all the guests were headed back home, we three embarked on our most important mission!! First things first…  the date for the wedding was to be set in April because Ravishankar’s   sister Renu was coming on holidays  and Mrunal would also be joining them with their families. Hence, Baba decided on April 10 after seeing the panchang. Once this date was confirmed, we went into frenzy of activity…. Only 3 weeks for the wedding!! It was like a whirlwind in our house….  Finalising the venue was the first step…. With arrangements for accommodation, ceremony, catering, decorations all done at a single venue saved everybody lot of unnecessary hassles of travel and stay. The food tasting sessions were awesome!! With the plans for the decorations and other arrangements handed over to the event manager, we were free for all the other preparations at hand. With shopping lists prepared, plans for the gifts etc. done, Bhanupriya and I set out on our mission with lot of excitement and an extra spring in our steps!! A whole lot of shopping was being done every day…   Saris, dresses, accessories, shoes….. Oh my God! We literally shopped till we dropped!! We couldn’t afford to waste a minute in unnecessary trips back and forth, and had everything planned on paper and tried to stick to it.  I was super excited to say the least!  Shopping was something I enjoyed the most always, but this was superb!! The Cherry on the Icing!!  Selecting the saris, getting to drape them, examining them, deciding the colours, textures according to the different rituals for which the sari was going to be worn…  Wow!!! We selected all the saris in record time, be it the paithani or the nauvari… both of us invariably chose the same sari and finalised it!! Then when Aai and Baba came to stay with us, we went shopping for the jewellery…. Another awesome experience!! Another Wow! Moment!! Beautiful pieces of jewellery, and more precious moments of joy!!  

The responsibility of looking after the preparations of the various pujas to be performed like the “Maunj” of Ravishankar the day earlier, the marriage rituals the next morning, were handed over to Ashwini and I was relieved on that front, because she would take care of everything that was needed to be done…

A nice beautiful Wedding Invitation card was printed and the invites were being sent out every day. On another front, I was preparing the halad with the best of ingredients and with lots of love and blessings for the bride and bridegroom! One part of this scented halad was put in a small container along with two fresh mango leaves plucked from the tree in our backyard, to be applied to the groom on the wedding day!

With lights adorning the walls of our house, and rangoli spread across the front door, Torans decorating our entrance, our home was ready to welcome our guests!

On the 8^th, a group of artists came and played the Shehnai during the ‘Grahmakh puja’ which had   been performed by Baba during the day, and later on, Dinner had been arranged for the guests from both the families, where the melodious notes of the Sanai played by the troupe on our terrace floated all over, and the ambience was set for the Big Day!  

All the ladies adorned their hands and feet with mehendi, wore new sets of bangles, and blessed the bride, because from today she would not step out of the house for the next two days until the wedding day dawned!

The countdown began, and the flurry of last minute preps gained momentum….

On the 9^th, we all applied halad to bhanupriya, blessed her and prayed for her wellbeing! This was a very emotional moment for all…. Aai, Pramodini, Ashwini… each one of us…

That evening, except the three of us, everybody checked into the hotel rooms, so that they could get ready early for the functions ahead. We started in the early morning, by breaking a coconut at the wheels of the car that would take us to the venue for the start of the most important day for us all!

I was at the helm of the affairs at the venue, but each and every person was doing his work, assisting me, helping Bhanupriya with her makeup, clothes etc. and  in getting the ceremonies done one after the other. All the rituals were followed to the ‘T’ and in a traditional way, and taking the rituals ahead with kanyadaan, homhavan, mangalsutra bandhan, saptpadi and finally the antarpaat and this was the moment I was not prepared for… …. I was watching every ritual with interest, and happiness in my heart. But everybody gathered on the dais for the muhurt…. The antarpaat was drawn between the bride and groom, mangalashtaks were being sung and that is when the real meaning of the words struck me… struck my core… pulled at my heart strings and tears started rolling down my eyes unabashedly… I realised in that moment the poignancy of marrying away your daughter…. Now I realised my Aai and Baba’s feelings when they had given me away in marriage…. The whole impact sank in when the words ‘shubh mangal… savadhan!’rang for the last time in the mangalashtak, and the antarpaat removed, and the gathering of elders showered their blessings on the newlywed couple!  Everybody was emotional and there was this mixed feeling in each heart… I saw my Baba becoming too emotional and not able to control himself…. And Aai was emotional too…. But at their age, I was extremely happy and had immense satisfaction that they saw the wedding of their granddaughter!! I wiped away my tears and with a smile joined in the celebrations again! The rituals over, Lunch was served, and decorated silver plates awaited the bride and groom in which food was served. Bhanupriya was asked for ‘Ukhana’ and she did so sportingly! Now, it was Ravishanka’s  turn and he was evading that farmaish….As we both had anticipated early on, he had nobody from his family to help him, so, I had prepared a few ‘ukhanas’ for him too! I told him one of them, and lo! He went ahead with gusto! Everyone was happy!

The reception was an evening to remember! Everybody turned up to wish the couple and give them their good wishes and blessings! Then as the evening drew to a close, we all sat together, chatted and took turns to be with Bhanupriya for a while, before she left the venue with her husband….

The next morning, we were busy saying bye-byes to all our relatives and well-wishers… Then it was time for Bidaai… I was smiling but I knew what was going on inside me… I knew Bhanupriya was happy, so I was happy too! Bhanupriya and Ravishankar left for Mumbai from where they would proceed to Bangalore…….

The next few days after the marriage went by in quite solitude, as I was missing Bhanupriya the most! There never was a dull moment since her birth, and she was my lucky mascot ALWAYS! Just her presence made my day, my worries taken care of, and my tears turned into smiles!!  The memories of all these years came flooding into my mind every single waking moment…. The most cherished moment of her birth, when I held her near to me, and kissed her sweet face …. The joy of seeing her grow from a baby to a young girl and then suddenly you find this young girl turn into a woman overnight!  Some joyful and exciting moment like when she topped the class, or bought home a prize…. Some moments of anxiety like during exams and tough papers ahead, some moments of helplessness when she could do nothing about the problem that unfolded before us, just because she was in no position to interfere in it, some moments of hurt, humiliation, some moments of emotional  turmoil…. Everything started unfolding before me like a movie….

No more early morning rush for tiffin, breakfast, running around to finish my work in time for the evening snacks, dinner of her choice, and catering to her whims and fancies once in a while. No more running to the market to get a variety of ingredients to make her favourite dishes! Now, I was missing my best friend, companion and soul mate… she was all this rolled into one! I needed no other friend, no other guide and no other companion either when she was around for all these years!  No more of those hearty breakfasts on the terrace soaking in the winter sunshine, or the summer evenings spent there taking in the cool breeze alongwith cool refreshing limbupani, those long walks when we gossiped and laughed a lot, those times when we watched movies till late into night and those coffee moments. I hardly drink coffee anymore because maybe the coffee doesn’t taste the same anymore! Now I started missing those moments when she would cook and serve something to me, make tea, snacks, or just allowed me to relax while she took up the work at hand. (This was also my trick to make her learn some cooking and household chores to prepare her for the role she was to don later on in life as a housewife!)  I miss her when someday I yearn for a cup of tea in bed and there’s no one whom I can just tell so.  When I was suffering from severe depression in 2012-14, it was her constant support which helped me recover. She made sure I was relaxed and tension free in those days, made those trips with me to the doctor, when she would sit diligently throughout the time in the clinic and give me that much needed support.

 It was during this phase that she introduced me to the internet and I was seeing this technology slowly but steadily becoming the lifeline of the people all over the world! I was more than happy to start this wonderful journey…  learning the basics, I was confident enough to move on and I started writing a blog on food, in which I documented my journey since my childhood which was related mainly with the memories of food, and included a recipe in each post with a story related to it..  Then, I took up the work of getting all the photos from the albums onto the computer which was lot of hard work but at the end of it all, it was worth the time and effort and gave me immense satisfaction of having done something useful. It was a daunting task, but the pleasure of seeing those old photos time and again is unparalleled, which was not possible when they were closeted in those dusty albums relegated to the overhead storage.  

 We both like psychology and are always intrigued to delve into the psyche of circumstances, situations, and people while trying to rationally solve any problem or when trying to understand a certain event. We could talk, analyse and come to conclusions on many a topic because no topic was taboo between the two of us. And   in spite of all this bonding, I never forgot my role of being her mother, and it came to the fore as and when something needed to be told… I do respect  the other person’s point of view and their emotions, but  sometimes, I am outspoken to the point of being blunt, but I speak my mind without mincing words and running around the bush and sweet talk is something which I don’t have in me (I do regret it sometimes, but can’t help it na?)  I speak frankly without fear, because I always put the wellbeing and safety of the other person first. Those who think they have been hurt by my words do not fully comprehend my genuine feelings for them. But those who understand me fully well, respect my words and know that I mean no harm to them when I speak my mind .I do offer small pieces of advice often, but with no expectations at all, because it’s the other person’s choice.!  Similarly, if I need any help or any work to be done, I approach the concerned person upfront, and tell whatever the issue is, without mincing words. And after that, I leave it to the person to decide what he would like to do…. Whether he helps or not, does not come in the way of my relationship with the person ever, because it’s his choice after all! I am an easy going person, believe in free will. I hate interference in anybody’s life and do not like to be bossed around either. I am eager to help anyone who reposes that confidence and faith in me, and if need be II can go out of my way to help somebody. I don’t keep negative thoughts inside me, don’t hold grudges against anyone. I just forget and move on in life, because it’s not worth wasting your precious time and life on something which gives nothing but pain and broken hearts. The worst phase in my life is behind me and I have forgotten and forgiven the people who hurt me. I harbour no ill will towards anybody for anything because nothing is worthy of such vile emotions. It destroys US more than it destroys the OTHER! I have always kept a boundary around my core or my inner self. I do not allow anybody, anything to go beyond this boundary and hurt my soul. Whatever the damage… hurt, pain, humiliation, insults all are contained on the outer side, and the effects of these which if not easy are at least surmountable to a large extent.  This may be the reason why I come across as a dry person, but the warmth in me can be noticed only if one gets to know me a little more. I do like socializing, I do like to make small talk when in social functions, but, I can stay put in my place for a long time without getting finicky and upset and not having anybody to talk to, or feeling bad because nobody took any notice of me. I have faced such situations, but I never lose my cool composure and keep calm from the inside.   I have noticed early in life that my being aloof and non-interfering and keeping to myself unless asked for, in gatherings, in groups, in the army get- togethers, in public functions is taken to be my arrogance and high headed attitude… now what can I do about that? I do not like to barge into people and poke my nose, also because I feel  it’s very offensive  to do so , and I don’t like to be an intruder. Another reason for this may be that I neither needed nor took any favours from anybody. The moment you take a favour, there will be a time to return it and if you are unable to do a favour in return, you will be ostracised for your being ungrateful…   And using good office for favours has been a strict no-no in our family. The same with my in-laws…  and specially in the army service I noticed I was side tracked because I had nothing to lure anybody into becoming friends with me, and they also knew  we both were persons with few needs. He took his work seriously, was not interested in socializing to further his career or seeking any gains from anybody. I was also doing the same because early in my marriage I had decided that if I have chosen the life in the Army, then I will do everything that is asked of me, in the way that he wants me to follow here. Otherwise, it would have defeated the very purpose of my choice of the field. And I kept my word with myself for all these years. The other thing is we both were not greedy either for money, power, position, postings of choice… nothing!  So why would we ask for favours? And hence that aloofness because most of the so called friendships are cultivated for some gain or the other and for most part, conversation revolves around some profitable proposition. But nonetheless, I did make a few but lasting friendships in the Army… Mrs .M.K. Singh, our Commanding officer in Deolali  unit, has been my role model as a perfect wife of an army officer, CO’s wife, and a warm hearted person who looked after the welfare of the unit as a family. We became very close to each other and since 1991, we remain in touch with each other, attend family functions, marriages and catch up with each other during army functions in our unit in Deolali, when all the retired officers are invited. They have met Aai and Baba and enquire after them whenever we call or meet each other. They both like Bhanupriya very much, and are always updated about her. They attended her wedding, and were very happy to be with us all!

Mrs. M.P. Singh, who is my Reiki Master, is also in touch with me even today. We feel very nice when we talk on phone, because we have not met after leaving Bangalore. But distance is no issue, if you feel connected to the other person. She is also fond of Bhanupriya and keeps herself updated about her.

Mrs. Jyoti Jairam, wife of Brigadier. Jairam, who commanded the Brigade in Samba, is also my good friend, because we shared a very nice and warm equation in Samba. It’s also that she is MY student since she learnt Reiki from me and has become a Grand Master herself!  She is in touch on the social media, but we do talk once in a while. In the Samba APS, Bhanupriya was one of her favourite students, and she is also updated about her through my conversations.

They are all very senior ladies and I learnt a few things from them which have helped me in my later years in the Army. Then, a few of us from the Deolali unit are still in touch, and do catch up during parties and functions in the unit. We all share a friendly and cordial relationship till today.

Outside of Army, I do have a motley group of friends from the hadapsar neighbourhood, with whom I share a very warm relationship till today. We are all different from each other in every way but we are all connected by the bond of friendship, which asks for nothing, and yet gives everything possible!  All of us got married almost the same time, and now our children are getting married one after the other! That’s a very happy feeling… We still meet up and talk to each other but I have noticed that our topics of discussion have changed over the years…. earlier it used to be only about ‘myself’ , then went on to talking about ‘the two of us’ meaning the respective spouses, then the conversations slowly veered and centered around ‘children’. Now, with all the children of marriageable age, the conversations are about this. What has remained constant though is our bond, and the need to connect with each other as and when time permits, and keep everybody updated with the happenings in life! What else is friendship? To be able to start off from where you left, time and distance not withstanding is real friendship! This applies to other relationships as well! My recent trip to Australia is an example of this bond… 

I decided to go to Australia in December 2016, and later contacted Vaiju Mami and mama in Sydney. I had lost contact with them since 1987 after my marriage when they shifted to Australia. Mami and my interaction started the day she came as the new bride in the Wada in Sadashiv  Peth. I was friends with all her sisters and her brother. Now, when I first spoke to her on phone, both of us were very happy to hear each other’s voice, and got talking immediately and not for a moment did  we  feel like we were talking after so many years!!! The long distance, the time gap everything vanished…. We took off from where we had left! I always thought of visiting some foreign country at some point of time in my life, but was not sure of it ever happening… and here I was, by a quaint stroke of luck, planning my trip to Australia and for 45 days!! I enjoyed my stay in Australia very much and now my heart doesn’t yearn for any foreign shores anymore!!  It’s like ‘been there, done that’ feeling.  I arranged this trip in such a way, that I could come back in time to start my preparations to welcome a new member of our family….  Bhanupriya was in the family way, and was expecting the baby by September end or so. I had gone to Ganapatipule with Aai and Baba sometime in January, when I had got this sweet and happy news!! We three were very happy that day, and offered special prayers to Bappa!!

Bhanupriya did come for a short visit to Nasik. I was enquiring about Bhanupriya’s health and was eager to visit her in Ahmedabad…  I did go there and arranged for her डोहाळेजेवण.  I stayed there to spend time with her and came back. By March 2018, Ravishankar had changed job and so, they came back to Bangalore.  I went again in September when she delivered a baby boy! He was named RUDRANSH! Everybody was extremely happy!!!  My grand-son!! What a lovely feeling it is! To be AAJI!! Life comes full circle…. Such a happy space to be in! The video chats, the phone calls, his voice, his antics make my everyday so special!  At this juncture, I have started connecting with Aai and Baba more than ever… I think for them too, life has come full circle! Their grand-daughter and now their great- grand-son!  ! Wow!  They are great-grand-parents!

 I have thanked GOD several times for all HIS benevolence… for making it possible for Aai and Baba to attend and grace   every function that I had arranged, right from Bhanupriya’s marriage, meeting with Rudransh when he was just 4 months old, when I had arranged for their felicitation on becoming Great-grand-parents…A proud and emotional moment for Bhanupriya and me..  ‘पणजोबा आणि पणजीवर सोन्याची फुले उधळली! ’ and then the Naming Ceremony held in Nasik… Every function that got over successfully would bring new apprehensions and newer uncertainties for the next function…. But now, all the main functions are done and I am totally satisfied, that Aai and Baba could make it to every function not because of limitations on their easy mobility, but because of the hostile conditions in my house which would make us both very apprehensive and feared the backlash… where I was the only soft target….

As against a good, comfortable and quite a lavish life which the Army gave a chance to enjoy, I have faced all odds and very hostile conditions in my personal life, and due to certain uncomfortable, unfavourable and hard decisions that I took after settling down in  Nasik,(they were uncomfortable and unfavourable for Bhanu’s Baba, and were very hard to make for me, because I knew the fallouts of these decisions and the long term repercussions they would have on my life and for Bhanupriya…) We had decided that none of OUR family members will visit or stay in our house in Nasik. Due to this restriction, I have put Aai and Baba to a lot of trouble to visit us both in Nasik, when they had to put up in hotels, and we had clandestine meetings…. But as time passed, we both got bolder by the day.   

Now with the Army life put behind me, I was under no obligation to do everything as per his wish and command… so, as an individual and with my inherent grit and my nature of putting up a fight   for anything that is rightful, I was going to do things as per my wish now and had stopped giving in to pressure tactics, mainly because now Bhanupriya was old enough and it was she who gave me the courage to now stand up for myself and not to worry about her… It was this grit and determination which saw me holding my head high and go through so much so easily.

In spite of all this, I did manage to call Aai and Baba to my house on quite a few occasions…once for the shoot of the Marathi TV programme ‘Aamhi Saare Khavvaiye’ and then when I had met with the accident…. Albeit with a lot of apprehensions, fear and uncertainties of showdown and all…

After Bhanupriya’s marriage, there was a huge void in my life. Everything changed… Not that I was emotionally weak, but she was the centre of my very existence and I had not thought of anything without her till now. Slowly, I started thinking about all that I could do to fill my void, and make use of it for something positively fulfilling and satisfying. Here I I embarked upon a journey of inward awakening to make myself strong and be able to make my own space with no place for self-denial and any kind of harassment….  And the first step towards that journey was to start on a physical level. So, I started following a strict regime of exercises and Yogasanas, breathing techniques like   pranayama, kapalbhati and off course meditation which is the elixir of life, which I had not been following very religiously of late. I found I had put on weight and wanted to be back on track to fitness. Regular practice of Reiki had helped me all these years, in achieving mental peace and helped me bring substantial changes in my management of anger. Also, it helped me start a deeper analysis of my relationship problem.  Since many years, I had started conversations with people who could help me analyse this peculiar problem. With that analysis, and my own firm determination, I  succeeded in conquering  my urge to cry on every provocation, and start giving a fitting answer to every charge, every allegation levied at me not by getting angry, abusing back, or crying in frustration, but through tactical means which I started learning and have been successful only on a small scale, because I still cannot match his intelligence and shrewdness of thinking and talking with his brain rather than with his heart, because I think he doesn’t have one…. He can think really quick, bring out references, even though wrongly projected, from the past very very fast, use them at the right time and right opportunity, strike, let the person bleed, and leave….”गैरतमंद इन्सान को हराना हो, तो उसके गैरत पे हाथ डालो... सच्चे इन्सान को हराना है, तो उसके सच्चाई पर हल्ला बोल दो.... Never really cared for my welfare other than the roti, kapada and makaan, which off course he has provided me all through my life, but will always insist that it’s only because of him that I am what I am….undermining my contribution in all these years. But I know for sure, that whatever I am, I have moulded myself by observing the others, thinking and analysing my own thoughts about all the things I had to. Expecting me to know EVERYTHING as soon as I came into the family is absurd to say the least! This kind of behaviour is in total contrast to the family to which he belongs…a decent, middle class family.

I have seen officers grooming their wife and children to make them best suited to the profession they are in… in this instance the Army. I have seen the transformation in the wife of one of our fellow officers, who married her elder sister’s husband, a Major. in the Army back then in 2003, from being a typical 18 yrs. old young village belle (literally! That’s because when I went to receive her and the 3 children (two elder daughters and a son) at Samba station, I was baffled to see them… sitting on the benches with two huge iron boxes, a few cotton bags, wearing Hawaii chappals alongwith a completely lost and confused look, and dressed in their village best… off course not to blame them because they were all bought up in the village by this Mausi of theirs, after her sister’s unfortunate death due to pregnancy problems, leaving behind a few days old third child a baby boy…) into a very sophisticated young lady wife (she was 18 when she got married!), learning herself and  teaching her children. I have seen this officer’s participation in grooming his brood with a smile, and no admonishments and harsh words for any mistakes they made, grooming the threesome into smart, intelligent, well-educated and very well-mannered young girls and boy, if their photos on the social media are anything to go by!  But my husband never took any pains to groom or mould me into whatever type he wanted me to be in….  

 I found I had become much more strong and determined now because it was Bhanupriya that was holding me back. Now that she was out of all this, I was emboldened to take drastic steps towards my own wellbeing. Now, I thought of was my own ‘Bucket list’ of my wishes and inner cravings which I never took too seriously then for lack of time and didn’t feel the need to discover  these cravings or follow my passions either .What did I crave for? This question elicited no response initially because I thought I had everything, I had done everything and I had nothing more do!! Having done so many things just for MYSELF that gave me happiness, pleasure and satisfaction in the last four years did prove me wrong! … Travelling, Reading, Cooking, Baking, Driving…. These were my passions I knew very well! Now was the time to follow my heart!! One thing still remains at the bottom of this bucket list…. My wish to work in some way as to earn my own money and most importantly to satisfy my self-esteem which has been trampled time and again by telling me that I am not qualified  and do not have the aptitude for  any work whatsoever and I should be happy in the space that I am in… forever!! What an irony for a person like me, who keeps on encouraging women wallowing in self -pity and helplessness, to move on in life, do some work, discover their hidden talent and realise their potential, earn their own money, be independent and thereby increase their self- esteem and earn recognition for the work they do, if not for others at least for your own self!! But now for me, things appear bleak on this front; because I am finding myself ill equipped for any kind of work….Many limitations and the fear of failure and rejection once again to take the plunge…  But being a born fighter and strong believer in ‘picture abhi baki hai’, I still hope to find something which will pave the way towards this goal!!

Anyways, my first love is driving! My journey from getting a learning license to a permanent one for two wheeler was exciting, because I remember my  Gujrati  friend got me my driving license, fixed in a leather wallet which he had procured from someone and had distributed many such wallets! I like such things… that license held a secure place of pride since ‘81 in my purse until recently when I had to surrender that for a new smart one which included my four wheeler license! Even today, I have a leather wallet which holds all the cards, photos, documents etc. in my purse. My love for gadgets starts from the old Radio, calculator, my small tape recorder with the photograph of my singing idol Mohammad Rafi pasted on it, then moved on to a Walkman, making way for the VCR which lasted for more than a decade and watching movies all through the night while enjoying masala bhaat kanda bhaji etc. for just Rs. 50 or so for 3 movies was fun!! Then the electronic revolution took the century by a storm, and CDs became a rage. The Pager, which didn’t make much impact, made its presence felt, making way for the mobiles by the year 2000 which literally revolutionized the industry, business, people and relationships! I started with a huge and bulky mobile which I purchased in Lucknow and which almost looked like a TV remote, and could take the life out of any miscreant if hit with….  In Lucknow, we used to call our local shopkeeper who had this PCO, STD and ISD booth and would ask him to connect the phone no. we wanted….  No wonder, the bills that we paid later on, were enough to take away the smile and pleasure of our long distance calls which were made from the comfort of our home!! But again, that urge to use technology, and save the time and energy of going to the booth would overtake all other thoughts and there I would go again!!!  This mobile holds a very special place in my memory!! Then later on came a better, smaller and lighter Nokia which had me mesmerised because I could play games on the small screen! This was definitely something NEW and awesome!  This addiction has increased with every mobile that I have bought through all these years and today the Tablet with its big screen is what fuels my day with so much to offer!! Not to forget the Desktop Computers, moving on to laptops, palmtops, and the smaller gadgets and accessories that keep flooding the market and the sensibilities of the consumers! So, on the whole, I love technology which gives wings to your imagination, gets work done faster and brings people nearer than ever before! And the influx of information is mind blowing!  But technology for the young is a double edged sword… to be used judiciously!

I have driven every vehicle from the humble but sturdy bicycle to the car that I take pleasure in driving now. I remember Baba used to teach us the bicycle on the grounds of Shaniwar Wada, which would be hired from the local shop for around 5 paise or so per hour. And that whole hour was to be spent religiously learning to ride the humble creature, because every paisa counted! As a kid, the memory of Aai taking me to school when we were in Mathura on the ladies bicycle, which would shine bright in its jet black colour, is fresh in my mind as if it was just yesterday!

In Trichy, we had purchased a Luna which Aai used to drive. Now this was a humble, gearless and delicate creature, with two delicate wheels, which could carry the load of two people with a small bag sitting precariously on the handle! It was meant to be a revolutionary vehicle as in it was a motorised bicycle to be precise! But this vehicle would sometimes be seen loaded with double the weight of people, and double the load it could possibly carry, and accelerating it beyond its permissible limit, would often result in the vehicle crashing before your very eyes! This is what I call abuse… I used Luna in Pune to drive to work and back.

Then I have been courageous, which off course I am, in driving the Lambretta, which was a mighty beast who had no comparison in terms of size, speed,  load bearing capacity, and it could carry a full family of four on its mighty back with ease! I drove this robust vehicle in Pune and people would envy me in particular, and the sight made heads turn… and I loved that… in the sense it was straight out of the Marathi movie where the heroine would be shown driving a Lambretta and was so cool and happening!! This was no mean feat because no women were seen driving this beast on the roads of Pune!  Baba used it for office, so I did not get much opportunity to drive it, but I cherish every moment of these drives!

Later on, when I picked up a job in 1981, I got myself an M80,for which I paid from my own money… and was amply proud of this modest achievement of mine…. which was enough to boost the confidence of working people, because with 3 gears it had speed and a modest strength to carry people and load, and a fairly competitive price it became the perfect vehicle and the roads filled up with M80 s, M50 s not to forget  the ever so loyal ‘Vespa’ which held its own in the fierce competition that had started brewing in the automobile world! It was still a Familywala Gaadi! Somehow, I never took a liking to Vespa… I neither liked to drive it nor did I like to ride pillion on the Vespa because it was difficult due to the broad engine… anyways… After disposing off the by now old Lambretta, Baba did have one in later years which he used for his drives for his classes, and later for his pooja engagements.

When I got engaged in ’87, the first piece of news was that he had a brand new Hero Honda motorcycle!! Wow!! I had a huge fascination for these mean machines, be it the older versions of Royal Enfield, Java etc. But I had not had the opportunity to drive one nor sit pillion! This mean machine was the latest and newest entrant into the market and the hearts of young people…. It had just been launched and this particular motorcycle was original Japanese engine, light and sturdy, with a decent price tag…   he had purchased it on the insistence of the JCO in the unit in Coimbatore. And the funny part was that he did not know how to drive a motorcycle back then!! I found that piece of info hilarious, but had the presence of mind not to make it known to him!  But secretly I was dreaming…. of this vehicle… When I joined him in Coimbatore, I reached the Quarters to find the beautiful majestic creature scrubbed clean and gleaming, standing there in full glory!! It was Love at first sight! I fell in love with this new majestic companion of mine instantly, and ever since I took a ride on it the next  morning, this Royal companion has served me with utmost  loyalty for all these years, in appreciation for the love and care I  gave till only recently when it has retired and wears an old and haggard look, battered with time and stands in my courtyard, reminding me of all the wonderful days I drove on its back ,alongwith Bhanupriya, Nashikchya Aaji, so many friends, Aai, Baba…. So many of them…. confident and happy!! Another companion who was as integral to me as this wonderful vehicle was my pet, SUMA! Since she came to our house 6 months before me, in a way, she was senior to me! She was like ‘Chota packet, Bada Dhamaka’… After my marriage, I went to Coimbatore, and that evening was greeted by Suma, not with tail wagging and all, in spite of my being an avid animal lover, and specially a dog lover, but with stiff resistance, with teeth gnawing and growling as if to ward away an enemy! I liked her petite but fierce persona, just as female pomerian are supposed to be! And I was blown away by the scathing and intimidating welcome! She tore off my brand new chappals that same night, registering her disapproval!! This resistance and intimidating tactics continued for several days, as I tried to be friends with her, take her for a walk, and understand her to the fullest of my abilities! But later on, her defences weakened and we slowly became friends! She was very aloof, intimidating and fierce when it came to warding off people and stray animals in the vicinity of her area of control… she would take charge of every new home that we shifted to, take stock and then she was in total control… she was obedient, could sit outside the house for hours on end and never strayed away from the house, would come in immediately on being called, and in general was quiet and unassuming in nature. She did not like to be intruded upon and would become defensive if someone tried to befriend her. When Bhanupriya was born, she would sit on the bed near her, keep a watchful eye on her, but when Bhanupriya was old enough to play with her, she was met with the same growling and intimidation, but later on she showed less hostility towards Bhanupriya. Above all this, she had been put into the habit of being fed small portions of soft mixture of milk and bread  into her mouth… twice a day and she never ate anything other than this and ate only if she was fed… only a few chicken pieces once in a while and that too grudgingly. It was very amusing initially, but later on it became a daunting task to feed her because she would hide on the farthest end of the bed and would have to be literally dragged out, made to sit and fed! This used to amuse our fellow officers, their wives and children no end and I would have special screenings of this programme for children when they came to play with Bhanupriya or when somebody called on us! But all the same, I adored her for whatever she was…  Her eagerness to jump on to the hero Honda and occupy her seat on the tank right in front would be palpable, so that she had the wind on her face, and enjoy everything on the road…   the curious glances of people who saw me with my fauj, perched on the vehicle and their smiles which almost always I was glad to   return, because I was the only lady who rode a motorcycle back then, and I was very proud of this!  Off course I did not make to the headlines because of lack of marketing and PR! But that never crossed my mind either!! I have always been happy in my own space! Anyways all this doesn’t take away the credit that I was the only ONE!  Occupying the first chair laid out in any place was her birth right and she always asserted it with lot of fanfare, always travelling with me and Bhanupriya in the bus between Pune and Nasik with a seat reserved for her, paying the amount in full, keeping strict vigil on Bhanupriya and her eyes glued to the window for my return when I got down from the bus for a while… she also travelled first class with us in the train… in style! She was very particular about her walk timings, her natural instinct which told her to keep away from the kitchen in our house in Vijaynagar Colony, because Petkar Aaji did not like pets inside her kitchen… Suma disliked noisy children who would run all over the place! She would invariably growl from one end of the room on the safaiwala who came daily to our house! That was because she did not like him picking up things and moving furniture while he swabbed the floor! He would get irritated and would always complain to me and ask me how would he work if she kept growling at him? We used to laugh at this! Once in Mhow, I was in the bathroom, when the lady next door came to take some cassettes which were lying on the table near the door itself. I told her she could take them. But the next moment I heard Suma growling at her, and would not allow her to go out of the house… and this petrified woman kept shouting back!!! I came out hurriedly to find that Suma had blocked her way because she had picked up the cassettes from the table!! That lady vowed never to step in when Suma was around!! This incident still brings a smile on my face!  It was Holi in Lucknow and there were guests in the house and we were all enjoying in the verandah, when one of the kids came hurriedly, and told me ‘Aunty, Suma bowl में से लड्डू खा रही है!’ We were all laughing on this, and I was totally amused with what she did… after that, she started eating the typical motichur laddu only from the famous mithai shop ‘छप्पन भोग’ She was awesome, and adorable!! A no-nonsense, dignified creature, which lived a long, healthy, robust life of 13 yrs. and never troubled us in any manner! Just when I was into my 8^th month of pregnancy during Abhishek’s time, she succumbed to severe diarrhoea… She breathed her last, right on the table of the vet’s hospital, in my arms, after putting up a silent fight for 8 days…. I was disturbed, but had to go back home with her, in my lap in the auto…. I stopped by at the unit gate to pass this message to my husband and then She was laid to rest in the garden of our quarters… it was painful for me and more painful to explain to Bhanupriya who was just about 5 years old and could not comprehend the meaning of death…..  She could not have possibly understood when grownups cannot fathom its impact and the intensity…. It was a painful sight to see her standing at the window looking out in the garden… but I think she did understand whatever she possibly could…. But this incident however must have helped her cope with the loss of Abhishek a little more than a year from this time…. It’s like it’s happened just yesterday…..It was Diwali and there were lights and Akash kandils all over our house when  Abhishek was bought back from hospital…. This time I was totally shocked, shaken and blank…. I was frankly not prepared for this…. How do I break this sad news to Bhanupriya of all people? How will she react? What do I tell her and how do I tell her? Age had caught up with Suma which I could understand, but Abhishek?  year plus old bundle of joy? Was I not responsible for this in a way? Had we both not shown the maturity we deserve to take this decision and regret all my life in spite of my warning against it? How could the doctor be so irresponsible? Why did he not act immediately on sensing something wrong with the child? So many questions but no answers….my head was reeling and it seemed as if the world had come to a standstill…. Even today I think it’s not true! But facts are stranger than fiction they say Na….

With the Hero Honda coming to the end of its lifetime of 30 years on the road and relentless service to the family that took utmost care of her like a child, there were two new   entrants… First a Scooty that Bhanupriya took to office. This was also a dainty vehicle, which if handled delicately gave the very best! And yet it was disposed of after Bhanupriya got married because of its poor performance.  The other was the Hyundai I10 Car, a Red Riding Beauty,   which took its place of pride in the porch alongwith the dainty Scooty!

I was always fascinated by cars and four wheelers in general. I remember if I got to stand behind the driver of a bus, then I would intently watch him drive the giant vehicle with the perfect shifting of gear ( I loved to watch the shifting of gears! ) manoeuvring his way through the undisciplined traffic  with smoothness, alacrity, caution, without hurting anyone or any vehicle on the busy roads all the while keeping in mind the time constraint, the bus stops, the passengers and their vagaries…. Sometimes basic courtesy is forgotten, some silly fights…  Even today, I admire these drivers most of whom are experts at their jobs and keep the safety of the passengers and others in mind while on the job.

Soon, I enrolled for the driving class in order to take charge of the Red Beauty! During this training period, I met with the accident which broke my left elbow, leaving me helpless for a short time, but I bounced back with same zeal! The way I had walked into the O T of the hospital left Bhanupriya wondering if I had mistaken the OT for a mall or a gaming complex… I was very cool and composed as I entered the OT… I didn’t have a hint of fear or any other feeling! My friends who visited me were perplexed to see me smiling in spite of the accident, and the police investigations going on.

Driving always gave me a high! From my bicycle to the car… driving is intoxicating and gives me a different high! I love to drive on different roads, watch the people around, and observe the traffic, the various moods of people and to enjoy myself while listening to music. But I make sure I am very alert while driving. I love to take my friends and family in the car for movies, shopping but enjoy the most when I drive alone in the car!  Driving for me is therapeutic in the sense it relaxes me completely! I am happy and in tandem with my inner self while I am driving! It’s like spa to me! A car spa! Wow! I just thought of this phrase right now!

 I keep going to Pramodini’s house in Deolali often, and my buddy ‘Freddy’ is so excited to hear my car come! That’s because he gets a joy ride in the car the moment I come to her house.  He bites off at my hands and barks ferociously if I do not take him immediately! I love him, adore him because of the selfless love he has for all of us! Both my dogs had a very poor appetite, so I love Freddy more so   for his love of food…. Anything will do… biscuits, meat pieces… anything. I always wanted a dog with a robust appetite …happy to be fed anything, anytime!! I am happy… I have Freddy who has given so much of joy and happiness for all these years when I visited Pramodini in Jodhpur, Bathinda and elsewhere during their postings. It used to be very painful to say bye to him because he is so innocent and would sulk all through the day after we left…. I remember a funny incident when we were in Lucknow…. ‘Timmy’ was a’ sample piece’ one can say so safely! He was big for his size being a pomerian but was the opposite of Suma in every possible way! He was diplomatic, very friendly and some of our Jawans were very emotionally attached with him during the time they worked with us in the unit. There was one jawan, whose name I forget, who was so attached with Timmy that when he was to proceed on a 3 day leave, he sat with Timmy all through the morning, and was busy talking to him, telling him,’ मै आता हूं, Timmy. ३ दिन बाद आ जाऊंगा, ठीक है?’ Finally I told him to go otherwise he would spend the next 3 days, convincing Timmy that you will be back!!!! He went away laughing, and this Timmy? He just forgot about him, and was his own happy self within a few minutes!! He did not attach himself with others on an emotional level… it was only for work like going for walks, or playing that he maintained friendly relationships!! He would get angry at us for giving him medicines, injections and would sulk for long hours after that!! He disliked being left alone at any point of time, and keeping him locked in our house in Nasik, while I went out would irritate him no end, and he would keep barking in the window till I was back!! He had a streak of adventure in him, when he would run away from our house for a long time and platoons of Jawans would have to be sent to search and bring him back! Once in Bangalore, when we had this sprawling bungalow, we frantically searched for him everywhere, and finally found him at the back of our house, snoozing away under a tree! In Lucknow, he escaped from the door even before I had locked it, and I didn’t notice him running behind my motorcycle for a long distance. Then, Aai who was driving pillion saw some stray dogs barking and cornering this small white dog…. I just got alerted and somehow stopped the vehicle, looked back and was horrified to see it was Timmy cornered by some stray dogs….he was valiantly warding them off…  I got down, and some passers-by also joined me in shooing away the dogs, and rescuing Timmy!  I gave him a tight slap after having him picked up…. My thick bangle hit him hard by mistake…  I was so angry… I have never raised my hand on my pets or for that matter any animals ever! That was the only time I did that due to my love for him, and the sight of what could have happened petrified me no end and hence that slap…

One more thing in my bucket list is travelling! I have been travelling for all these years, first with Baba and Aai, and all through these 30 years in the Army! Travelling fascinates me even today, after having travelled for all these years! With Baba’s postings, we did travel a lot and train journeys were fascinating for me! Right from planning the trip, packing the bags, getting to the railway station, everything was so neatly timed and well executed! All that training helped me in later years, when I was always ready with everything… packed lunches, breakfasts, and other food items, all sundry travel items neatly packed…. And a little before time! I made sure Bhanupriya also learnt these small tricks to adhere to time and manage everything so that it causes little or no inconvenience to all. I loved to get down at stations, run to the stalls to buy anything that Aai would need for us in the train! Back then, there were no plastic bottles, so I ran to fill up thermos flasks with tea, milk… get something hot to eat, and pass it on into the train, and run back to get  water in big water bottles before the train signalled to leave! It was so exciting, can’t describe! I still enjoy this adventure of rushing and buying fruits, fresh food items etc. from the stalls! And it’s as exciting as it was back then! I like to get down at stations just for fun, loiter around and wait for the signal to turn green! I love to observe people on the stations… their rush to get into the train with luggage, children, old people, and take their seats… then comes the crucial task of arranging the pieces of luggage under the seats, fighting for that odd space, and soon, everybody is settled and happy! There’s more drama when people disembark the train…. The same hustle bustle of carrying luggage, children, elders and getting down at the station before it leaves the platform… it’s no mean task I can say that with my experience of having done so much travelling! And forgetting something behind can be a nightmare!!! I have had a brush with this adventure on a few occasions… once left my purse in the ST bus and got it back after rushing to the next halt at Satara in 2 hours flat! Then I have managed to recover my purse again, this time in the flight to Jodhpur I think… I was walking away from the aircraft after landing, and Aai noticed I did not have my purse with me! She alerted me, and I rushed back to the aircraft, and waited with abated breath, before I spotted my purse in the cabin attendant’s hand as he waived to me from inside! I dare not think what would have happened if I had left the ramp and walked away from the aircraft… It would have been a nightmare chasing the airlines people to recover my purse! Now a days, the purse with all the essential documents, cards and other important items in it crucial to travel, is the core of our existence now a days.  You can lose cash, but not your purse! You can buy clothes, accessories if lost, but purse? No ways…  Another time was when I left behind a small bag on the overhead space in the bus while travelling back to Nasik from Pune!! I wasted double the amount of money to the auto driver in chasing the bus for ½ an hour, and finally laid hands on my bag! What a relief!!  

 Overnight journeys excited me no end! We would have the whole 1^st class coupe for the 6 of us, so it used to be fun, with no one else in. We learnt to make do  with the little space we had, and make the most of it… we played cards, dumb charades, antakshari, paper games, Ludo and what not! I remember Aai carrying a special cane basket which was like a magician’s box… Pandora’s Box…. So many things came out of that basket every now and then…. Knives, salt and sugar packets, butter, jam… the list is endless!! I have imbibed this into my psyche so much that as and when I travel without such a bag, I feel I am missing something, or that I have forgotten to take something along while leaving the house! Bhanupriya jokes that my head is always inside the magician’s bag that I carry while travelling! It’s true… I am either pulling out something, or keeping back something!

Then comes the next big job on hand… making arrangements to reach your home, hotel, relative’s place…. The destination! We were taught to keep the relevant names, addresses, phone no. etc. handy in a diary… (There were not many landlines back then, and mobiles were unheard of!) Also, a paucity of private vehicles, and cars being a super luxury then, forced people to travel by bus with the luggage, or  hire autos after haggling for proper fares or paying exorbitantly high fares depending upon your destination and the whims and fancies of the drivers mattered, with lots of fights, arguments, haggling for proper fares, daredevilry thrown in for the extra zing of travelling with lots of luggage stuffed precariously and people perched in the vehicle praying for their lives till they reached their destination safely!!  So, the journey and the destination are important! In spite of all the advancements in the fields of Hospitality, Travel and Communications, ‘Start early, Reach safely’ is the motto we still follow to the ‘T’.  It goes a long way in ensuring our own safety, security and a buffer time to react to unprecedented incidents during travelling. When I was travelling with Aai, Baba and Nishant to Jodhpur, we were told that we were at the wrong terminal of the Airport and would have to go to another one, a little farther away, but time was running short and the only option was to take an auto, and the driver sensed our urgency.,,,  ( They are experts at their jobs na? ) and agreed ( or rather we agreed! ) to take us to the said terminal by charging Rs. 800 for two autos! “अडला हरी, गाढवाचे पाय धरी!”And a four minute drive crossing a flyover took us to the terminal just in time for our flight!!

I have travelled in the 3^rd class unreserved compartment of Pushpak Express alongwith Bhanupriya in 2003- 04 from Mumbai to Lucknow an overnight journey, occupying two side wooden seats near the door, facing each other and arranging a big black haversack  on our suitcases  between the seats, to make a comfortable bed for her! This, in spite of having reservations in 3 tier AC! That day, I could not locate my coach, because my name was not on the list! They had changed my coach and seat no. last minute! (Courtsey… MCO Pune!) The porter told me to occupy the seats in the General, and then search for my seats later with the TC… But could not move an inch in that coach, and courtesy two young girls who got down just after 3 hours of journey, we got these two seats, for which I thanked them profusely, and always pray for their wellbeing wherever they are! The lesson learnt here… “Never miss the train or bus!” literally, and otherwise!! It was a scene at the Lucknow station when the men from our unit, alongwith my husband were waiting for us in front of the said compartment and were confused on not finding us inside! And here we both were standing at the farthest end of the platform, waiting patiently for the train to leave, and they would surely find us!

During one of the journeys on the same Pushpak Express, our feet went numb due to the severe cold and I had to bring out our clothes, towels and stuff to wrap around our feet to bring in some warmth and it was only then that we both could sleep well!

Travelling broadens your vision, enlightens you and gives a fair idea about the place you are visiting. A ride through the countryside gives us an idea about the people, their food, their culture, the socio-political scenario, the economy, and the progress the natives are making in terms of industries, technology, communications, hygiene, housing, etc. etc. Shopping for memoirs is integral to travelling. No travel itinerary is complete without tasting the local cuisine, travelling by the local transport, taking a look at the historical and other important landmarks of the place and bringing back memories by shopping for local goods and not to forget the quintessential photographs!

Once in Ratnagiri, I was trying to find आंबोळी and चटणी   and just couldn’t lay my hands on any till it was time to return to Nasik. But see how faith works… my craving was very intense and just a few minutes before the train was to arrive, a young man came with tokari full of आंबोळी and चटणी!!! I was so happy to see that tokari!! I ate to my heart’s content, and thanked HIM because I found God in that आंबोळी and चटणी!   

I find God in disasters more often! Once in Lucknow, I was driving my motorcycle in the early morning hours and enjoying the winter sunshine, when a Vespa with two 10^th grade students without a proper driving license, lost control and the vehicle came hurtling on to my motorcycle… the gears just shifted automatically and my vehicle gained momentum suddenly… But with my presence of mind, reacting swiftly, I turned the motorcycle left towards a nallah with a wall near which two young men were standing and talking. I saw the nallah with huge boulders in it and no water… I sensed danger and immediately caught hold of one of the men’s neck, and jumped off the vehicle! Both of us fell down, but the vehicle came to a halt just a few steps away from the stream full of boulders…. I was saved due to this young man! I found God in him who rescued me! Off course the boys were stopped, and I asked them how could they do this to me? They were apologetic and sorry but I was angry at them! Suddenly, a police Inspector passing by saw the commotion and enquired as to what happened to me… I was about to hand them over to him, but seeing their innocent faces and the tension of exams they were appearing, I dismissed the whole issue….

Once I had slipped on a wet ramp in our Deolali quarters and my left leg caught under the motorcycle, and half of my body dangling below…. By chance there were Jawans working in the house, they lifted me off! What if there was nobody to help me at that moment? To think of what could have happened is enough to bring goose bumps! I had a hairline fracture on the anklebone of my left leg…. But then this is where God came to my rescue like always!

In Deolali, I had another accident when Bhanupriya was quite tiny and my sevadar’s wife Kalpana was riding pillion with her in her lap, when I found myself drive straight into a thin telephone wire dangling on the turn towards the main road.  The afternoon sun was bright that day, and I didn’t notice the wire. The telephone dept. people were working nearby. I slipped and the two also fell off the vehicle. But luckily both were safe. I was bleeding at the throat and was looking around for help, when the lady from one of our quarters came with her scooter, and we both proceeded to the MH, while Bhanupriya returned home, and someone bought back my motorcycle. I was told by the doctor that the wound was quite deep, and if I had been speeding, it would have been fatal…. My complete faith in HIM saved us all that day too!  After I came back, I went to the telephone dept., and gave them left, right and centre!! I also asked for an apology from the senior there. I had my expenses also reimbursed from them later!

During the initial days when I was just settling down in Nashik, I had called a person to fix up the drainage block in my house. He was working there, and I happened to be walking there, checking the garden… when suddenly I placed one foot on the sewage cover of the septic tank and the other was in the flower bed which I had bent to do something…. And suddenly the old battered cemented cover gave way, and my left leg slipped into the sewage tank….. I fell down, but luckily towards the garden… I called out so loudly to the person who was working that he got frightened and came immediately, picked me up, and got me to the house… I was shaking with fear….  What if….That’s why I am a firm believer in His Supreme Power though I do not visit temples or any places of worship, or fill their coffers with my donations, which is anyway worthless… I thank him every time, every day, and try and help somebody as and when I come across someone who may benefit from my help…. Big or small doesn’t matter… it should reach the person, and solve his problem… सत्पात्री दान! I get immense happiness and satisfaction by doing so in my own little way! This is my way of saying thanks to the Almighty!

In normal, everyday life too, I like it when I can be of any use to anybody in any which way…. I believe that if I do not help, somebody else might help… so, increasing ‘Good Karma’ is better than increasing our ego! All said and done, I firmly believe ”JOURNEY IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE DESTINATION!”

Travelling and shopping go hand in hand… Though I do like to travel light, it may not be possible always. Shopping sprees leave you with heavy bags, but   shopping is my passion, I do it with great zeal and enthusiasm! So, some good deals, a good bargain makes me happy and it amply compensates for the bulk I have to carry home! I have learnt to get complete worth of every rupee that I spend. I don’t like to shop just for the sake of it and collect junk in my house. The reason for this is that, though I love shopping I hate clutter and I like my house, my space to be neat and clean! I am very particular about keeping my space… could be my house, my hotel room or anywhere that I put up for some time. I make sure I keep my space neat and clean, because I need my space to be just that when I return!  I dispose of junk and give away things on a regular basis for which I have no more utility when they are still in good condition, to somebody who needs it and hence would be more than happy make optimum use of it!  This allows me to make way for newer things! A good    reason to go shopping again! Right?

That reminds me of so many shopping sprees, when I have literally shopped till I have dropped! Like in Jodhpur, when I bought almost the entire market of dress materials, dupattas, and what all! It had been a tedious task to lug those heavy suitcases back to Nasik! Same happened in Bathinda… Every day as I would leave with Pramodini for the market in the morning, Aai would wonder what we would bring back from that day’s shopping! Again the same story repeats itself… lots of luggage to take back home! But I would be extremely happy! It’s the whole process of shopping… the time I decide to go  shopping, finalising the list, and then the actual shopping, which is almost always much much more than the list that was taken alongwith me! Sometimes, random shopping gives me such pleasure! Shopping is like travelling… Enjoy the process of shopping and the destination… when we use those things in our life, or gift them to our near and dear ones, finding happiness in giving and sharing will be as beautiful!  Like when I went to Palani in Tamil Nadu, to the Lord Aiyappa Temple. After the darshan, I was walking through the small market where my eyes fell upon a line of cotton saris with a unique peacock motif in various colours… maroon, blue, violet, red… 6 of them! Peacock is the vehicle of Lord Aiyappa hence those motifs! I bought one for myself and feeling happy with the deal, I returned to the guest room. But I decided to buy some more pieces the next morning before we left. I was happy I could do some shopping in a place where there seemed just no scope for it and I thought I would return without any shopping at all!

कळण्याची भाकरी आणि वांग्याचे भरीत is a speciality of Jalgaon. I made a trip to the market every time I was in Jalgaon, bought back this कळण्याचे पीठ. Jalgaon is a town which is driven by political ambitions and aspirations. Here people do little towards improving the quality of life…

  A small place like Buldana also has a market from where I bought some locally made pickles, papad, chutneys etc. etc .The people here rely mainly on agriculture which is highly volatile and uncertainty looms large due to droughts and famines, political apathy and the lack of drive to work and make progress! But surprise! Surprise! I went to a tiny super market if we may call it so, and did some shopping there, enjoyed a movie in the theatre on the first floor of this super market!! Possibilities are many, surprises galore, happiness when you least expect it is guaranteed if one keeps one’s eyes, ears and one’s mind open!   

Ratnagiri boasts of a good market and the economy which thrives on the sale of coastal delicacies… Mango, Jackfruit, Bananas, Supari, Coconut are native to this soil, and hence the products made here are indigenous, homemade and of good quality. The fruits like kokum, tamarind are also unique and made into edible food items.  But the laid back attitude of the populace in general, coupled with the sense of complacency hampers their capacity to use their full potential and make economic   progress.

In Lucknow, I tried my hand at business, and sold off quite a few pieces of Chikan work which is a speciality of UP. The first time I saw the Aminabad Market, with rows and rows of tiny shops selling Chikan work saris, dress materials, I was taken in by the sheer magnitude of the embroidery work being done there, the huge business that was going on… Lucknow boasts of good quality woollens, shawls and the ‘kalakari ‘mind blowing! There is something for everybody and affordable clothing is necessary due to severe heat and cold weather conditions.

I hopped on to a cycle rickshaw because that was the only mode of transport other than the local buses, which would be jam- packed with people sitting atop them too! Initially, the site of that poor fellow pedalling the rickshaw moved me to tears… such a strenuous job and the price tag? Just Rs. 30 for the long road to Aminabad Market, with the rickshaw wala bhaiyya old and physically weak,    pulling a torn, tattered umbrella cover over the passengers’ heads to shield them from heat, rain and winds! This umbrella would expose more than it could possibly conceal! They had to shout and keep alerting the passers-by because that was the only thing they had at their disposal… their voice!  I would invariably pay more to such people every time I travelled in such rickshaws. The condition of the rickshaw showed the financial and social status of the owner and reflected on the physical wellbeing of the bhaiyya who pulled this rickshaw. So, some rickshaws would be brand new, all decked up, with small lights for the evenings, a bell or a bhopu to alert the passers-by and vehicles, a good quality hood and nicely cushioned, comfortable seats and all, pulled by equally strong and robust young men. But, the market place invariably saw people squabbling, haggling over the charges for their ride… Even the men and women on the upper side of the scales tagged along by 3 to 4 children, all who would literally stuff their bodies and luggage into the humble vehicle, which alongwith its equally weak bhaiyya would be in no state to carry for long distances for far lesser charges than asked for! These rickshaw pullers would be seen getting down and pulling their vehicles on inclines and when they could no longer take the weight of such passengers, who showed no remorse and would be busy talking, laughing and in general oblivious to the suffering humans…. But later on, I realised that though this was new for me, this was a way of life for these people… Over a period of time, I too got used to all this.  

 I remember  The first time I saw woollen sweaters, cardigans, shawls being sold on a hand cart, just for Rs. 50,  the first thought that came to my mind was that they might be damaged, torn pieces being sold cheap. But somehow, my curiosity got the better of me, and went to check out the stuff. I found they were brand new, and of good quality! That was the first time I was witnessing severe cold and fog which seemed to cover the ground (I had never stayed in the northern parts any time earlier and had almost little or no stock of woollens), so I had rushed to the market to get some warm clothing   for me and Bhanupriya.  In the excitement of finding such good stuff at such a low price, I bought a few woollens and felt nice about this deal!

Lucknow has a whole range of good quality mithai, dry fruits, and some shops have earned a reputation for their quality range of products. The Moghul effect is visible in their food and culture or ‘Nawabi tehjeeb’ as they prefer to call it.  People in general are courteous, friendly and welcoming anybody relatively unknown or even customers at shops with a cup of tea in the winters or a glass of chaas, lassi or nimbupani in the summers, after which Mukhwaas would be served which you could partake from a decorative box filled with the various flavours is common place behaviour. Not that everything is hunky dory, because there are black spots which show up occasionally… anyways, that’s India after all…. But I noticed that in spite of good business, there was a major disparity in the economic conditions of people. The rich were rich and the poor like always, make do with whatever is offered to them by way of remuneration for their talent and hard work, the masterpieces being sold by the rich to become richer!

Bangalore was a nice change from Lucknow. With typical Brahmin confluence all over the place, Mandirs dominated most neighbourhoods. They are people with a strong religious beliefs, and stronger religious practices. A corporate biggie, chaiwala, office-goer, shopkeeper… no religious minded person will leave his house without the ‘puttu’ on his or her forehead! Enter any shop or establishment and you will find a designated corner for the deities. Neatly arranged frames of their favourite deity will be cleaned, decorated with flowers, garlands, and diyas lit up the first thing in the morning. Now they are ready for business!  

 Samba, near Jammu was again a different place in terms of security, safety and the high levels of alertness in the area and in the minds of people. We could not move without a security guard with us, and were also not allowed to ride private vehicles but use only the government vehicles from our units. So, I did not drive my motorcycle there for 2 years, except for joy rides inside the campus. It was a small   but sensitive town in terms of its strategic location… just 5 kms.  from the border made this town vulnerable to militant attacks, bombarding and occasional cross firing etc. But by the grace of God, we had a very peaceful tenure and went to Nasik after that. But yes, there was enough to shop over here too! Frequent trips to Jammu, Pathankot, Chandigarh were enough reasons to shop…. Shawls, saris, salwar suits, dry fruits, mithai… and off course going around the markets bustling with activities itself elevates your mood and you become one with the crowd! The women folk dress up very well and deck up with jewellery, makeup and are very active in business too! The menfolk are not left behind, and are finely dressed accentuating their robust personalities! Their business acumen is great and hence they form a wealthy community.

Apart from shopping, I love to observe people! I love to watch people going about their jobs, read their moves, their moods, their attitudes, their attires, their walk, their talk, and their general outlook towards events, work, and life in general.  I like to observe people at the movies, at the market places, and places like banks, post offices  and other offices…  it makes for interesting reading of human mind, emotions, and positive way to pass time! We are a country where people don’t smile often, are generally rude and insensitive to the needs of others. We are filled with so much anger, anguish, hurt, hatred, frustration, fear, remorse and many more forms of negative emotions that we forget to live life with love, warmth, and a basic level of courtesy and understanding. We make merry when we are happy, but forget to make a small effort to bring a smile on the face of a single person deprived of life’s necessities. On the other side, I find people struggling with life’s multi-faceted challenges who wear a smile on their face and a twinkle in their eyes which reflects optimism, positivity and a zeal to live life to the fullest !

Once, I got talking to a very old, frail lady in front of my house in Nashik, and I asked her to come in. Then I asked her what I could offer her… tea, coffee, limbupani, anything to eat. She refused to eat anything due to health reasons. But I was adamant, and persisted with my question, and she laughed heartily and agreed to have a small cup of warm milk, which I readily served her! I was happy I could serve her at least something!

I love children! I love to be with children of all ages…. From a new born to young people! I love to mingle with them, play with them, spoil them with treats and parties, and see the broad smiles on their faces! In fact, they bring a smile on my face so often! Their innocence, diplomacy, their sharp minds and intellect, which can absorb any piece of information like a sponge, retain and recollect it when needed fascinates me! They have no fear of the unknown, no ego hassles! Children are capable of relieving me of my worries and tensions at least for some time with their non-stop banter and chattering, spreading joy and cheer!

I love animals specially dogs and horses very much! I love dogs for their sharpness, friendly nature, and their ability to help people with special needs, with the necessary training.  Just like children,  spending time playing with dogs eases your tensions and worries and they can make you forget yourself for some time at least! Horses with their natural mighty stride are robust animals with unparalleled energy and power to withstand long hours of physical strain, and evoke a sense of grandeur with their royal demeanour!

I love cooking, baking and in general interested in eating good food, trying out new recipes. Whenever I go anywhere, I avoid the routine stuff, and search for local food, local ingredients and stuff. I love table decoration, and always made sure I did something different for every party at home. I always made it a point to make some dish of my own, even if everything was being cooked by our Cooks from the MESS. Koshimbeer, Puddings, chutneys, anything ‘hatke’ to make it MY party! I loved children and made sure I called them to the parties at home. I used to serve them separately, so that they don’t have to wait for the snacks to arrive! Almost always I got a compliment for this special service from the children themselves, because they liked that special attention paid to them! Even now, I have young friends who come home, play, and dance and in general enjoy themselves fully!  They like to come whenever they get time. I teach them board games, read stories to them, and they get to play games on my tab as a bonus!!! That’s enjoyment for them! I have to literally push them to go Home, because they keep pushing the time a little further whenever it’s time to go home!!!  I arrange small parties or potluck when they also pitch in with some dishes. It’s fun to have these children around! Their constant banter keeps the house lively and keeps my energy levels high!

I like to bake, but sometimes the cake is a disaster!!! Then I get very upset and feel dejected. Then some analysis, some soul searching and the next time the cake turns out perfectly baked!! When I see this perfectly baked cake on my table, I do not even want to eat it! I am satisfied at having baked it perfectly, that’s it!

I remember, I could not get the one thread syrup for the rava ladoo right long long ago…   but then, with time one gets to the core of the dish, the soul of the dish, and then it becomes perfect! Same with Puranpoli and Modaks…  Many failed attempts many a disappointments later, I have learnt to make them right!  I won’t say perfection but right!! But, I think trial and error is part of any process… be it cooking, baking, or any other skills one acquires as one goes ahead in life. I made Puranpoli on the day Bhanupriya, Ravishankar and I went shopping for the engagement rings. We came back, and I hurried into the kitchen, and made dinner and Puranpoli… quick and superfast!! They turned out so good; I did not believe that it was ME who had actually made them!! You need some motivation for any achievement! The moment I realised I have to prepare any dish for Ravishankar, it automatically turned out good!  We take that extra effort to put in our best for the guest! But Bhanupriya has been my inspiration for these culinary soirées of mine!! My emphasis on nutrition and other rules towards maintaining health, and taking immediate steps in case of any health problems were paramount. So, when I made anything to eat, she would have to eat without any fuss and eat everything that is there on the plate. No left overs in the plate was allowed. And since I followed this rule, she automatically got into the habit. This is also a habit we all imbibed from Aai and Baba and off course Dada, who disliked any wastage of food. He was very strict, just like Baba, because they would insist that the food left over from the earlier meal be distributed equally to everyone before fresh food is served. This comes as a surprise, because back then, womenfolk almost always had to partake this leftover food, because it was not supposed to be served to the menfolk!! What shackles? But our people were very progressive, for which we have to be thankful to them! Baba made sure we said ‘     वदनी कवळ घेता...’ before we started our meal, and it stays in my psyche till date, even if I don’t follow it religiously now. Respect for the food is ingrained in our minds through such small acts. I thoroughly enjoyed myself in Australia, when I tasted so many dishes from so many different countries! When I was trying out a Hungarian delicacy ‘Kurtosh’, I got talking to the gentlemen who were from Hungary themselves and enjoying the delicacy. They enlightened me on the delicacy, and we got talking about India, and the new PM when I realised they were well versed with India and specifically the latest political drama that was unfolding there. I found that very intriguing and was so proud of my being Indian! This was a feeling I had never experienced before… because I was hearing this in another country and from another national!!! That’s very cool!

I was pleasantly surprised to see ‘Masala Chai’ written on the kiosk selling tea from all over the world… literally! I tasted this chai, and when I got talking to this owner, and he asked if was from India!!  This was immediately after I left the Hungarian kiosk!  It all made my evening so very pleasant!!

The cookery show for which Bhanupriya and I made recipes at home was   once-in-a-lifetime experience! The initial calls, then the finalising of my recipes, and then the day of the shoot….  Everything seemed like magic to me, and we both were very happy!! The team was very good, and made us feel comfortable through the shoot. For me, I love shoots of cinemas, and have been always interested in these intricacies. I have gone to watch such shoots in FTII in Pune, when I was studying in SNDT College.  I love to wait a while longer after Nataks, when luckily I have met the actors, and talked to them!!  We know them as actors, but I like to get to know them as a person, how they are, how they go about their life outside their realm of fiction!  I have also met some actors in their green rooms, and it is very exciting! The cookery show for the Hindi channel was even more exciting, because I got to experience the heat and dust of the studios, where these shoots take place! I am happy that I could take Aai and Baba alongwith me as this was another once-in-a-lifetime experience! Now, one wish in my bucket list is to be part of the audience for some programme and experience that moment as well!!! Let’s see when that happens....

Now, I am a ‘Free Bird’ to do what all I wish to do…. In the sense, I am taking life one moment at a time, no planning, no rushing, and no deadlines to meet! I go for my daily walks, then through my daily chores, interspersed with time spent playing games on my Tab, listening to music specially the long forgotten songs reminding me of the long forgotten eras, making calls to Bhanupriya and video calls to catch up with Rudransh and his latest antics, enquire about his health and in general feel happy seeing him! Oh yes… not to forget the movies, nataks and other programmes which I love to attend! Since the last one year, I got to meet some good people who run a small school and a charitable religious trust and they have called me as a judge for their competitions! I feel so nice to go there, meet new people, and learn new things! Your mind becomes fresh, opens up to new possibilities! And the feeling that my opinion matters is very comforting and encouraging!

 Talking to everybody from our family and keeping in touch on the digital platform is also an important part of my routine. Making one call to Aai and Baba daily has become a habit now. The social media which is an ocean of infotainment keeps me engaged, but is very addictive in nature.  Off course, mundane activities also take up my time.  My friends’ list has expanded with Pramodini’s friends added to it very recently when we have started going to the movies and all together!

In the last few years, I have had many a moments to be with Aai and Baba, taking them out for movies, enjoying many outings and the  random parties that we all keep having off and on, in general being with them during my frequent but short visits to Hadapsar. They are also happy when surrounded with their children, grand-children flitting in and out of the house at frequent intervals! Their enthusiasm is infectious! Never a dull moment for them ever!  Such a nice and happy space to be in! It’s for the lucky few!

After Bhanupriya’s wedding, I started looking at life from a different angle…. The urge to disassociate myself from all the unnecessary emotional baggage was very strong. The need to look at things, people, and relationships pragmatically and making way for new norms by discarding the old dictates became more pronounced. To look at life at this point, take stock of health, wealth and the balance sheet of life was becoming very pronounced. I wanted to make life more easy with an unhurried pace and in general make time for many other activities or things I had not done till now!  I started to think hard, and act faster on many issues… big and small.  I did not want to carry on with many things which were crucial till now like the religious traditions I had started following after coming to Nashik. Initially, we had started with Ganapati pujan from Bangalore as a way of imparting knowledge of our festivals and traditions to Bhanupriya. We used to have guests for Aarti every evening for the 5 to 6 days that we had the Bappa in our house! It was hectic, but our devotion saw us serving the guests with Prasad and snacks during those days. Everybody was welcome! In fact in Samba, I had taught my Cook to make fried Modaks with fresh coconut filling and one year he had made record 200 Modaks during those 5 days of Ganeshotsav!!  All those who partook of the Prasad, would invariably ask for one more Modak!   When I came to Nashik, I made many additions to these celebrations and would be very busy for almost a week before the festival and a few days after the festival! I made different Prasad for the early morning Aarti, Lunch, evening Aarti, and Dinner! I would make a proper programme for this, and keep the paper in the kitchen. I had to plan the groceries, fruits, veggies, and all other items before- hand.  I called 5 ladies along with their husbands to give them the ‘Otee’ and ‘Shidha’ during those days. Prasad was distributed to anyone and everyone who came to our house during ganesh puja. I never fell short of anything ever to give as Prasad.  But this is true for other times as well! There have been instances when I am caught off-guard when there are unexpected guests! At first, I would find that there aren’t any proper food items to serve them. This is when my brain would go into turbo mode, and I start thinking about what can be done. And lo! After some time, there is something nice to serve the guests and they are happy, so am I!

I followed all other traditions to the best of my abilities. From चैत्री पाडवा to होळी…   every festival was celebrated with devotion and joy in our hearts! I continued this till Bhanupriya’s marriage.  After her marriage, when I set out on this journey of reinventing and rejuvenating myself, I decided I will now slowly phase out all these festivals during the year ahead. I said my prayers for each festival, thanked the Gods for their blessings and benevolence and asked for such blessings to be showered on us for ever and carried out an appropriate ‘उद्यापन’ for each festival as and when it came. Alongwith this, I carried out‘उद्यापन’ for the fasts that I was observing till now.  This process gave me inner peace, and a sense of total satisfaction. I yearn for nothing, I ask for nothing! It’s very calm deep inside…  Over the last few years, I feel free of any shackles, and I can travel, eat and even enjoy a drink without any worry or any guilt!  I am experiencing total Emotional, Physical, Psychological and Mental freedom! Today I have come to a stage when devotional songs, sermons, kirtans or any such religious programmes do not make any impact on me. I have lived a faithful life, not done any harm to anybody and accepted life as was handed down to me. Maybe I was handed a small piece of canvas, and though there are small dark patches, which I deliberately choose not be see, I filled it with all the colours that I had at my disposal and make it into a small colourful painting, and the colours are still coming…. I am definitely being cautious even while I enjoy life!

“मैं जिंदगीका साथ निभाता चला गया|

हर फिक्र को धुंवे में उडाता चला गया ||”

If you start feeling bored, stagnated and unhappy at any stage of life, then, just sit back, disengage yourself from everything, and start looking at life’s problems from a third person’s angle… Be silent, be with your inner self for some time, and you will find the light coming in!!!

I have poured out all that was in my heart and I find nothing more to say! I feel liberated, I feel blessed and I feel peace!!

Surrounded by their near and dear ones who wished them well, Aai and baba’s 61^st anniversary celebrations went off well!   At this point of time, I ask for the ever present blessings of Aai and Baba and the good wishes from everybody in my family!!

There is so much more to life than we can possibly imagine! I Hope to keep moving and remain vibrant with Bappa’s ashirwad!!